Positive Parenting With Olu

As mothers, most of us could do with less judgment and more support.

Why, then, do so many of us judge each other?

Christmas is a special time time for family and friends to gather together to celebrate 🎉 

It’s also a time when kids get to see their extended family members 😊

Growing up, I remembered traveling to the village for Christmas. 🎄

We get to celebrate Christmas with our grandparents and other family members which was fun for us then 😊

It’s also the time when most parents feel judged because of their children’s behavior.  

But thinking about it now as a parent, it’s always that time of year  that you pray that your children will  behave well 😄

Because you may be criticized by your family members if they don’t! 

I remembered when my son was little and he would act out in front of a family member and they would raise eyebrows and they would say things like; are you going to let him get away with that? 

And I felt judged by their reactions and I would punish my son because I don’t want them to think I can’t control my own child. 🙁

But as I got older in my parenting, I grew a thick skin and those negative comments do not bother me anymore, because I know my child and they don’t. 

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Why I’m I telling this?

Here is why👇

During this festive period most of us will visit our family members or invite friends and family over to your house for the holiday celebration 🎉 

Though it’s a time to rejoice and spend time with family, it’s also a tense time for most parents with young children.

So today I would like to give you some tips on how to handle judgment from your friends and family members 

Let’s face it, your children will misbehave and eyes will be on you, some bold family members may call you out on their behavior.

I know I have faced such judgment over and over again 😄

But it doesn’t affect me anymore, because they don’t really know my son like I do. So their opinion of him doesn’t really matter 😄

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‼️Here are some tips to help you if you face such judgment 👇👇👇 

1️⃣Come up with an answer or just ignore their comments:  

This may work for or against you, but when you’re at the very end of your patience or limit of dealing with people .. try to say something that isn’t too rude but also points out to the other person that you are very much aware of their behavior. 

But when it comes to your relatives, you don’t want to ignore them o 😄

2️⃣Remove yourself and your child from the situation. If it really becomes too much to handle, remove yourself from the situation. Yes, this might not always be possible and yes- it might not always be reasonable. But if it keeps you from getting mad? It just might be the best solution.

Don’t compare your children’s behavior to how other children are behaving. 

In addition, I would like to advise you to never feel like you need to punish your child because of judgment from other people? 

If your child is having a meltdown in public, you may be a bit overwhelmed. It happens.

Remind yourself that it’s not the end of the world (though it may seem like it) and maybe try one of these calming strategies if you can.

❇️ Just stop and take a deep breath and keep calm

❇️ Allow them to cry it out, it’s ok and just stay silent  with them but don’t give in. It will only take a few minutes 

❇️ After the tantrums and you can see they are calmer, , then let them know that crying will not get them what they want.

❇️ Offer to hug them if they want it

My final thought 

As parents we are all just doing our best. No one is perfect. We are going to make mistakes, we are going to make different choices, but in the end, we all love our children and want the best for them.

We need to remember that sometimes when people judge us about our parenting styles, it’s more about what’s going on in their life. So don’t take it personally. 

It’s your child to punish if you choose to or not, don’t let their judgment bother you.

Also, don’t feel the need to do anything because they’re expecting you to. 

Let go of other people’s judgements, it doesn’t matter. At the end of the day they don’t really know your child like you do. 

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Please dear parents, when you see a mother struggling with their kids, lend a hand or ask how you can help her. 

And please if you don’t have any good thing to say please don’t say anything. 

Let’s all try to support each other, we’ve all been a new mom once 😊

What do you think?

How do you feel about people judging mothers?👇👇

Compliment of the season 🥰❤️❤️

#saynotojudgement

#beintentional

#parentingtips

#mumssupportingmums

#positiveparentingwitholu

Hello,

I woke up this morning thinking about a lot of ways to support parents in this journey called parenting .

If you’re a parent, you already know it’s not easy being a parent 😊 

Having one child to look after is hard by itself, let alone having more than one kid.

But I believe parenting can be easier if we can start seeing our children as part of a team in this relationship! 

Our children are a blessing! 

Let’s try our best to build a connection with them first!

When a child is treated well, they will behave well.

All what children want really is to to please their parents) 

I know this for a fact! 

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Learning to stay calm as a parent in the midst of a storm will help a lot. 

Picture this scenario 👇👇👇

Let’s say you are a single mum of 4 children between ages of 12 and 6 years old.

 She goes to work and she has no nanny or helper. She does everything however she delegate most of the house chores among her children 

She tried her best everyday to look after her children 

Her children fight with themselves everyday!

They are always arguing and talking back to her. (Which is normal and it comes with age) 

This woman is trying to raise her kids to stand up for themselves and she allows this, while guiding them through it.

She tried her best to spend quality time with each one of her kids once every week. (Because knows that’s the only way to really know each one of them properly) 

Even though she is tired everyday, she makes sure they all have dinner together every night. 

Where they talk about their day. She shares how her day went and she listened to each one of them

She was able to run her household with little or no mishap, just because she had a plan and she stuck to it. 

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Why I’m I telling you this? 

Having children is great, but for us to raise wholesome children that will become responsible adults we need a plan.

Without a plan you can’t build a house – Raising children is like building a house.

The Foundation of a building is what makes the building strong 💪 

So is raising children!

Children need a good foundation (childhood) to become a wholesome person ❤️❤️

I know we all want the best for our kids 🥰❤️

I think the mistakes most parents make is trying to control, manipulate their children because that’s all they know. 

What about if you do the opposite of that and try to pay more attention to how you react and respond to your kids everyday and start building more connections with them.

I have come to realize that, with my son. Since I started relating to him as an individual- which looks like this 👇

👉Listening more to him, showing him more respect, putting him first and talking to him as my partner in this relationship, parenting him as become easier. 

He is a teenager and we are so close, I don’t have power struggles with him anymore. 

Because we both know our limit and we respect that! 

Of course there are days that things doesn’t go well, but in those days I watch how I respond 😊

The thing I’m most proud of about him, is that he treats people with respect and kindness. 

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Your children are not the problem o, if you want a peaceful home, look inward and check yourself.

How are you contributing to all this chaos?

We can’t control anyone o, but we can control how we respond to things ❤️

I believe in life we get what we put out, even in a child and parent relationship.

I know some of us are not ready for this conversation yet. 

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💥But I want you to remember this 👇👇👇

👉Let’s not Forget that in a house with kids there will always be noise, quarreling, rivalry, shouting and many other behaviors kids display. 

👉As parents, you should expect those things.

👉Instead of trying to stop these behaviors in the kids, find a way to GUIDE them so that they do not make such behaviors more than necessary. 

Happy Sunday guys 

P.S: If you’re a parent, you need to watch out for my posts this week. 

It’s going to help you during this festive period especially if you have young children 🥰❤️❤️

open.spotify.com/episode/2gydmY7ZZUy9ozoUip3z2D

DO YOU KNOW? 👇

‼️ONE IN 3 INTERNET USERS ARE CHILDREN? 

Over the past one year now I have been sharing some parenting tips here on this Platform. 

Sometimes I share some of my own parenting experiences and I also share what I have learnt working with children, in order to help any parents that connect with me, to rethink and re-learn how to be a better parent to their kids. 

 So today,  I will be sharing some tips about how to teach kids to be responsible online. 

Because we are raising Children In a Digital Age, and it is now our new reality!

So as parents, we need to get with the programme (so to say)

DO YOU KNOW THAT 👇👇

💥 THE INTERNET was not DESIGNED with CHILDREN in mind, but it’s now a major part of their lives (Read this Again) 

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TODAY’S PARENTING TIPS 

There are lots of debates going on on whether young children should be allowed to have a phone at all and also the amount of screen time they are allowed daily.

In addition to this, most parents are still not sure if this digital world is a curse or a blessing to their kids’ life..

❇️Statistics on social media show that children’s engagement with digital technology is increasing daily as well‼️

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My thoughts on this finding is that – 

Today’s children are born into this digital world and there is nothing we can do, other than accept it and educate ourselves on the topic. 

Learn more about what your children are doing online, familiarize yourself with the games they’re playing. 

WHAT TO DO 

✅Have frequent open conversation with your children about their social practices (just as you would about their friends, hobbies or school)

✅Don’t dismiss social media as a waste of time – it’s an important part of their social lives.

✅ Ask your children’s permission before posting on social media about them (I’m guilty of these 😁)

✅Become familiar with the apps your children use

✅Remind your children that many people post falsely online, for many reasons

✅ Find out whether people they do not know can approach them in these apps

✅ Talk to them about how to handle a negative approach (e.g – they can either block the person, or ignore or don’t respond to them) 

❇️ Teach your children how to behave responsibly online and offline (such as not sharing their information online, or sending inappropriate pictures of themselves online)

✅ Make sure they do not use their phone or tablets in their bedroom, or before bedtime. 

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💎My Final Thoughts 👇👇👇

👉Raising children in this digital age can be tricky, but it can also be a great thing. 

👉Let’s not be too quick to judge our kids because they love technology. Technology has come to stay whether we like it or not. 

👉Knowledge is power, learning about what our kids are doing online will help us know how to approach things when they ask us questions in the future. 

Be ready to learn and relearn guys 😁❤️❤️❤️

❇️When we know better we must do better as parents 

I hope this helps

Thanks 🙏🏾🥰❤️❤️

Olu

Have a blessed day today guy 🥰❤️❤️🥰

Happy parenting 🥰❤️

#digitalagekids

#appsawareness

#parentingtips

#poditiveparenting

#parentingjourneywitholu

#beintentional

#londonmom

If you want more content like this one join our Parenting group here 👇👇

Good morning dear parent, how are you all doing?

Did you talk calmly yesterday, or did you Yell?

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Yesterday evening I decided to call one of my parents to ask if there was a way I can coach her one on one during this 7 Days No Yelling Challenge! 

I asked her when she found herself yelling most. 

Her answer was; “the time I yell most is during the morning routine, when I’m getting my children ready for school.

She continues to tell me how one of her children takes his time getting ready in the morning. The boy in question is always very distracted and he sometimes spend so much time just staring at his toothbrush 🪥

She also said she tried to give them warning and talk calmly but by the time she gets ready and comes downstairs and she finds out that they’re still not ready, that’s when she yells at them. 

She is a mother four and they are between the ages of 10 and five.

♦️ Here is my advice to her, maybe you can relate too👇👇

👉 Prepare the night before, I advise her to make the lunches, put out coats and shoes, line up backpacks by the door and it all makes for a much less stressful morning.

👉Make sure the kids get dressed before going downstairs for breakfast.

And if any kid who does not come down properly dressed will be sent right back upstairs

I also suggest that maybe she can introduce some kind of rewards (like a reward chart ) 

💥Rewards 

If your child is ready by a certain time, he or she gets a reward. This could be 10 minutes to work on an art project, play with his/her iPad or they can choose what they want. Whatever will motivate them.

Let’s not Forget that in a house with kids there will always be noise, quarreling, rivalry, shouting and many other behaviors kids display. 

As parents, you should expect those things.

Instead of trying to stop these behaviors in the kids, find a way to GUIDE them so that they do not make such behaviors more than necessary. 

♦️Find A Way To Minimize Those Things That Make You Yell

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🎯GETTING THE KIDS READY FOR SCHOOL IN THE MORNING 

✅Prepare as much as possible the night before.

If you know that during the morning school runs you are always tense and you are prone to yelling at your kids you can decide to prepare your kids lunch boxes, uniforms, shoes, and every other thing they need a night before so that morning time will not be too busy and tense.

If the kids always quarrel for a particular type of crisp  and it annoys you, get that type for everyone instead of buying different types.

 If they always litter the house with toys, make a playroom for them.

Reducing the things that cause yelling is another useful tip on how to stop yelling at your kids.

And yes, you will still occasionally yell. But forgive yourself and try again.

My final thoughts 👇

❌ Yelling only works in the short term, because children are motivated by fear. 

❌ Remember when we yell at our kids we are modelling that when things don’t go their way it’s  ok lash out at other people.

❌ Dear parents, we should always remember that we are modeling adults behavior and that behavior should never depend on what your child is doing 

Yelling is just stopping a behavior and it’s not teaching a skill! 

TRY TO FOCUS ON WHAT YOUR KIDS DID RIGHT TODAY ! 

Now, I would love to hear from you. 

What works for your family in the mornings? 👇👇👇

Thanks guys for reading through and participating 🥰❤️

Have a blessed day 🥰❤️❤️❤️

Olu 🥰❤️❤️

Hello beautiful people🥰🥰🥰🥰❤️❤️

Today’s parenting tips are about treating all our children the same way!

Stop asking your daughters to clean up after their brothers.

Your daughters are not born to be a slave to their brothers 

Please remember we are raising somebody’s husband! 

I’m sure most wife would love to have a husband that can help them with some house chores (like cleaning or cooking sometimes) I know I would 🙌🙌🙌😁

All children may be different, but they are equal and they should be treated like so 🙏🏾

Be intentional 🥰❤️❤️

Thanks 

Olu 🥰❤️❤️

Today is our 3rd of NO YELLING CHALLENGE 

LINK BIO TO JOIN our Facebook parenting group 

#beintentional

#girls

#boysandgirlsareequal

#teensmom

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#positiveparenting

#theparentingjourney 

#positiveparentingwitholu

#momslife

#childrenareawesome

#londonmom

WHAT IF MY CHILD TOLD ME SOMEONE HAS BEEN SHOWING HER SOME NUDE PICTURES ONLINE? 

What can I do? 

Hello beautiful people, I trust you’re all well and keeping safe. ❤️❤️❤️

Still on the Topic of paying attention to what your kids are doing?

Today’s parenting Tips is about – ONLINE GROOMING 

Do you know who your child is talking to online? 

A 13 year old girl once told me that a random man sent a naked pictures of himself to her! 🙄

Also just a few days ago, a 10 year old girl also told me she received a random call and some offensive pictures from a stranger.

I asked her what she did. She said she showed it to her mum and she deleted it.

So dear parents, are you aware of what is going on in your child’s life? 

Do you think it’s wise to give an 8 year old a phone?

I know some kids as young as 7 have access to a mobile phone!

Giving your child a mobile phone is not the big issue here, the big issue is that, have you  talked to them about online safety before you gave them a phone?

Please dear parents talk to your children before you give them access to a mobile phone, do not shout at them when you see strange things on their phone, when you haven’t spoken to them about the danger of being online.

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What is grooming?

Grooming is when someone builds a relationship, trust and emotional connection with a child or young person so they can manipulate, exploit and abuse them.

Children and young people who are groomed can be sexually abused, exploited or trafficked.

Anybody can be a groomer, no matter their age, gender or race. Grooming can take place over a short or long period of time – from weeks to years. 

Groomers may also build a relationship with the young person’s family or friends to make them seem trustworthy or authoritative.

Types of grooming

Children and young people can be groomed online, in person or both – by a stranger or someone they know. 

This could be a family member, a friend or someone who has targeted them – like a teacher, pastors or sports coach. 

When a child is groomed online, groomers may hide who they are by sending photos or videos of other people. 

🎯 Some of the signs you might see if your child has been groomed:👇👇

♦️They may be very secretive about how they’re spending their time, including when online

♦️They may be having an older boyfriend or girlfriend

♦️They may have money or new things like clothes and mobile phones that they can’t or won’t explain

♦️ They may be spending more time online or on their devices.

♦️ They may be upset often and withdrawn. 

♦️They may be using sexual language or an understanding of sex that’s not appropriate for their age

WHAT TO DO👇

My advice for you as a parent is to; 

✅Be wise and talk to your children about online safety 

✅Ask them some questions about who they are talking to or playing games with online 

✅Put some parental control on their phone

✅ Pray for Wisdom and understanding 

✅ Connect before you CORRECT them 

✅ Educate yourself (there are so many resources online about parenting) 

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‼️By the way, I overheard one of my students talking to his friends about how he was able to hack the parental control her mom put on her phone 😀 

So dear parents, you have a lot of work to do o ❤️😊🤗

 I’m sure you know that already!!

We are raising a very intelligent generation of children o 😀

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If a child talks to you about grooming it’s important to:

✔️listen carefully to what they’re saying

✔️let them know they’ve done the right thing by telling you

✔️tell them it’s not their fault

And do something about it!

Report it to the police 👮‍♀️ 

It’s important to remember that children and young people may not understand they’ve been groomed. 

That’s why you need to keep talking to them and paying attention to your kids 

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Thanks Olu

Please let me know your thoughts on this 👇👇

!

What is the challenge of raising a special needs child? A mother asked me the other day. 

She has a child with autism and I think she is finding it difficult to cope.

 So I said to her, I don’t really know the challenges, because I don’t have one. 

But I can tell you it’s difficult and it’s not easy working with an autistic child, because I used to look after a child with autism. 

He is a teenager now and I still keep in touch with the family and the boy. I love him, he has the heart of a gold. ❤️

I continue to tell her how frustrated and overwhelmed I was initially during my first few weeks of working with this precious boy. 

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Do you have an autistic child or a child with down syndrome?

Or do you know someone who has a special needs child? 

If you do,  please support them and educate yourself about how to help them!

HERE ARE 3 THINGS YOU SHOULD DO 👇👇👇

1. Accept them as they are and love and raise them as they are. When we come to terms with that, it will be easier to love them (they are just different) . Please be patient with them, it’s not their fault . They’re born that way! 

2. Educate yourself, get help, do research, read books and pray for wisdom and strength. Join groups for support. You need some support system. There are loads online you just need to be willing to do the work. Always remember you’re not alone.

3. Create a sensory room for them in your house, if you can (most of these cuties love to be in a quiet room and just stay in their own little world) (check on YouTube for ideas if you haven’t yet done this) 

Be kind to them. They can live happier lives 😊

By the way, the boy I was talking about earlier is living happily and he is into sports ⚽️. He is the sweetest boy you could ever ask for ❤️

If you have a special need child, I understand your struggles … and I am praying for you 🙏🏾

You’re doing ok ❤️❤️❤️

✅Let’s all be supportive towards parents with special needs children. 

👉 Please be patient with them, it’s not their fault . They’re born that way! 

Have an amazing day today guys ❤️❤️❤️❤️

#specialneedchildren

#autismawareness

#bekind

#parentsupportingparents

#specialneedteacher

#pleasebepatientwithmeihaveautism

#autistic

#downsyndrome

Today I’m going to continue from where we stop last week (check my previous post for updates) 

So What does that  world look like and what should a parent pay attention to?

❗️You begin by learning to read and recognise your Child’s world- the who, what, when, where and how of it.

❗️ Recognise that your child’s world is like your own,  is in constant motion and is constantly being bombarded by various influences in and outside of his or her control. ( this one opened my eyes to a lot of the things my son was going through. I usually think, why he is always tired and moody most of the time after school. 

Then, when I started paying attention to him, and we started having conversations about his days, I realised he has a busy life like me. 

Yes it may be strange for parents to wrap their heads around this, yes, your children also have all the issues you have as an adult, the only difference is that they don’t pay bills yet)

🚫If you don’t believe me, then do this exercise if you want to find out if I’m right or wrong 👇

🚫WHAT TO DO

Get blank paper and write all your daily struggles and maybe ask your kids to do the same and then cross reference it. You will see that kids have their own struggles too 😀

❗️Pay attention to those external influences that  lead children to make choices that are not in their best interest. – You know your child, are they acting out of character? If yes, start to pay more attention to them and be aware of the friends they are keeping. 

❗️ Help your child steer through the risk of influences he or she is exposed to, identify which are dangerous which are opportunities for growth. 

One example of bad influence is social media!

A lot of children  have gotten into a major trouble because of what they call sex texting. (I’m sure you know what this means) 

Dear parents, make sure you educate your kids, especially kids from 10 upwards about how to be safe and how to use social media. 

What young people often don’t realise is that posting or sending sexual photographs or videos can impact them and have a long range of consequences for years after a message is posted. 

You need to pay attention to what’s going on in your child’s world. 

You also need to pay a close attention to any adults looking after your children ( e.g; nanny, house helps, drivers, cook, uncles and aunties, childminders, nursery and schools etc)

Be intentional!

Please let me know your thought and question in thd comment. 👇😊😊🥰😊

#parentingtips #londonsmom

#positiveparentingwitholu

Now that my granddaughter is around, I am learning a lot from her every day.

I love observing her, I watched how she plays, what she likes to do and how she interacts with people around her. 

You can learn a lot from kids, by just observing them from afar. 

Today I’m going to be talking about how she interprets her own worlds through play. 

I don’t know about you but I only heard about Paw Patrol when my granddaughter came to stay with us. 

She loves everything that has PAW Patrol on it; from toys down to her clothing 😁

She also like talking about them, as if they were her real friend, ( of course in her own mind they are) 

Athena knows all their names, and has a Paw patrol coloring book too 📕 

What I found fascinating is how she picked the correct coloring pencils for each characters when colouring 😁

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So why am I sharing this

Studies show that, when children begin to engage in pretend play from around two years of age,  they often take on the new persona and roles to help them make sense of different aspects of their world or deal with things they are frightened of.

For example; my granddaughter pretends to be super heroes fighting off monsters, because she doesn’t like bad characters in her cartoons. 

She often tells me, “I want to be a superhero when I grow up” ( by the way, did I tell you she is only  3 years old?) 

This is to show that children know more than we think they know!

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Dear parents, please be observant and pay attention to your children’s likes and dislikes and plan accordingly. 

I would like to know what your toddlers do for fun 🤩 👇👇

Have an amazing weekend 🥰❤️❤️

P.S: Watch Out for my post tomorrow on- Paying attention to your kids

Photo: Athena wearing a Paw patrol hoodies with her favourite character (Skye) 😁

#positiveparenting

#parentingtoddlers

#intentionalparenting

#parentingtips

#granddaughters

#londonmom

#beintentional

#

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#positiveparentingwitholu

#positiveparenting

#observation

#kids

#children