Positive Parenting With Olu

No, it doesn’t and here is why

Well, yelling only works for a short of time 😆

When you shout at your children to stop doing something, they will stop out of fear.

Children are motivated by fear!

But it will have a long term negative effect on them. 

As children age, they try to escape and break free from that coercive (violent) environment 🙁

They may not enjoy coming home as much, and sometimes they would rather hang out with friends, especially when they become teenagers. 

And this is not a good place to be in, because when your teenagers start depending on their friends things may turn into something else. We may not be able to control them then. 

But the good news is that we can avoid these now that they are still young.

I know as parents, we want the best for our children, but remember our children are watching us and when we yell at them we are indirectly teaching them that when things don’t go their way they should yell at people too. 

Also, when we yell at our  kids it is just stopping their  behaviour and not teaching them any skills. 

Remember, you’re modelling adult behaviour, and that behaviour should never be based on what your child is doing. 

Dear parents, we need to stop reacting to everything. 

Take a deep breath sometimes. They are just kids and kids do kids stuff.

Thanks for reading through

Please leave a comment below if you have any questions or thoughts about today’s topic

Watch out for part 2

Stay blessed

Hello beautiful people ❤️❤️❤️

As frustrating as tantrums can be, they are a normal part of your little one’s development. They are most common in children aged 1-3 and might happen because your child is tired, hungry, or overstimulated.

 Your toddler might have a tantrum simply because she wants her Fruits cut into star shapes instead of hearts. 

I’m sure your burning question is, “Why do toddlers have tantrums?” or “How on earth am I supposed to handle this?” 

Well, I’m going to answer your questions in today’s post, so keep reading.

Toddlers are very small people with very big emotions. Their language skills are starting to develop, but they can’t talk well enough to convey what they want to say

Your toddler is starting to feel independent and like she can handle anything, even though she really can’t.

 It frustrates her when adults try to control everything she does, like when and what she eats and wears or when she sleeps. 

And she probably thinks, “Why do grownups care so much when I leave my toys on the floor? It makes them so much easier to play with.” 😆

Tiredness is one of the reasons why your toddlers throw tantrums. – Everyone gets grumpy when they’re overtired, and toddlers have less experience handling their feelings than we do.

✳️What Should I Do if My Toddler Has a Tantrum?

When your toddler is upset, having a tantrum.  or struggling to listen, get below their eye level.

——————

This communicate to the brain there is no threat and help them calm down

♦️My final thought 

Like any other phase your child goes through, the tantrum stage is temporary and won’t last forever. Before you know it, you’ll be sending your little one off to school and the tantrum days will be a thing of the past . 

Thanks for reading through 

Olu ♥️

#toddlers

#parenting

#positiveparentingwitholu.

Have a blessed Thursday guys ❤️❤️❤️

Every Tuesday day I share some great tips on Positive Parenting on this Platform ❤️❤️

As a mom of four, I understand how hard it is to stay calm and stay steady when we interact with our kids, especially when they are talking back or refuse to do their chores. It can be very easy to lose our cool. 😆

When we believe our children are being difficult, we tend to use yelling to make them listen to us.

 But yelling can only go so far before it starts to form cracks in the relationship with our kids and leave them with emotional scars that might never go away. 

At some point, we need to ask ourselves: Is my child’s obedience worth losing their love and respect

Today I will be sharing one of the strategies I have learnt and that I use every time, whenever I feel like yelling at my son.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not always a good day at home with my son, if you’re a mum especially if you have a teenager you will agree with me that most days are challenging. 

But I always remember one thing: every time there is a challenge at home, I have 2 choices : either to respond or to react. 

 I tried most of the time to respond in calming or just leave the room and come back when both of us are calm. 

So here are some simple strategies to think about when your children misbehave and you felt like yelling at them👇👇👇.

Stop yourself first and …pause before responding in anger

1. STOP AND WALK AWAY – Yes, this may be tricky at first, but with lots of practice you will get used to it. Maybe go into your room to calm down ( always remember to pause before responding in anger) Allow yourself to calm down so you can think clearly. When we take a minute to think, we will get a clear picture of why our children are behaving in a certain way. It could be that they need you to connect with them more and so on.

2. DON’T REACT

If you’re a “react-er,” it may take time for this to become more natural. That’s ok. As you go through your day, look for times to respond rather than react. If you slip-up and react, give yourself permission to try it again. It’s not a sign of weakness to say, “Wait, what I meant to say was…” Let your children know that you are not perfect either!

3. KEEP THE RIGHT PERSPECTIVE

Most of the times when our children misbehave, it’s usually based on their developmental stages. It’s not personal, so stop taking it personal.

The reasons why we feel frustrated by their behaviour is because of our expectations, not because of the behaviour itself. 

So be realistic, kids will be kids 

Keeping a right perspective may look like not assigning adult meaning to a childhood behaviour .

Avoid getting angry when your child does something based on function, like dropping a cup of water on the sitting room carpet and ruining your rug, or screaming at their siblings.

We need to take a step back and look at our expectations and ask ourselves these questions 👇

👉Are we asking our child to do something that it’s not developmentally appropriate 

👉 Are we asking them to do something you haven’t even taught them yet? 

Remember children are the product of their environment, they follow your example, they learn when you teach, and they grow out of it.

Dear parents, as we strive to have strong positive relationships with our children, it’s important to remember to Respond rather than React.

Responding can feel ineffective, passive or too permissive at first.

In the long-run, however, the payoff is great. 

My final thoughts 

Sometimes it’s going to be easy to respond rather than react. Other times, it’s going to be more challenging…especially if you’re feeling tired, stressed, overwhelmed, worried, frustrated, etc. If it’s one of those days, remember to breathe. Give yourself that split-second to decide if you are going to react or respond. (If it’s really one of those days…take two deep breaths!)

So does really Yelling work?

No, it doesn’t

Please let me know what you think in the comments below 👇👇

Have a wonderful day ♥️♥️

#beintentional

#noyelling

#parenting

#londonmoms

#monsofteenagers

#positiveparentingwitholu

✅WHEN WE KNOW BETTER WE MUST DO BETTER

Hello guys, today’s topic is about puberty

So, if you have a son between the ages of 9 and 12, today’s post is for you

———————

When my son was ten, he noticed something strange things happening with his body and he came to me to ask me some questions 

Here are some of the questions he asked me,

“Mom, why is my thingin like this?

“Mom why I’m I not growing muscles? 

“Why do I have lots of Pimples on my face (etc) 

As at that time, I wasn’t so sure how to answer him, but I tried my best to answer him to the best of my knowledge. 

👉Has your son been asking you weird questions about the strange things happening in their body? 

Welcome to puberty, the time when kids sprout up, fill out, and maybe even mouth off

Puberty was awkward enough when you were the one going through it.

 So how can you help your child through all the changes?

‼️First let’s define what puberty is👇

✳️Puberty is when a child’s body begins to develop and change as they become an adult. Girls develop breasts and start their periods. Boys develop a deeper voice and facial hair will start to appear. The average age for girls to begin puberty is 11, while for boys the average age is 12.

‼️WHAT AGE DO BOYS GO THROUGH PUBERTY?

Puberty is when a child’s body begins to develop and change as they become an adult. Girls develop breasts and start their periods. Boys develop a deeper voice and facial hair will start to appear. The average age for girls to begin puberty is 11, while for boys the average age is 12.

❗️Boys’ bodies produce hormones which change their body and they can also affect their emotions. 

❗️Getting used to all the changes can sometimes be stressful for your boys.

❗️Everyone is different and will start puberty when their body is ready but it’s common for it to start around age 12-13 and for some this can happen earlier or later.

❗️The changes to their body take time and puberty lasts for different lengths of time for different people and can last for up to 4 years. This is completely normal and doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with your child. .

❗️Every boy has his own likes and dislikes. And during puberty, some boys are very friendly with girls and others might be nervous about talking to girls.

❗️Let your boys know that, thinking about someone they like is a normal process of puberty. 

✳️So why do boys feel this way? 

The hormones in their body are becoming more active. As a result, they’re starting to have more feelings. 

These feelings can confuse them and may leave them scared. This is natural because they are going through a new phase in their life.

Encouraging your boys to talk to their dad, friend or their brother about these things. 

Signs that your son is going through puberty 

Growth of pubic hair, other body hair, and facial hair.

Enlargement of testicles and penis.

Muscle growth.

Growth spurt.

Acne.

Deepening of the voice.

8 things boys will experience during puberty:

*Your voice gets deeper – some people might refer to this as your voice “breaking”.

*You’ll get taller, bigger and more muscular.

*Pubic hair will start to grow – around your penis and testicles (balls).

*Your penis and testicles will grow larger.

*Hair will grow on your face and under your arms.

*Sexual thoughts and feelings.

*You might get spots and start to sweat more.

*You might feel more irritable or moody than usual – this is because of changes in your hormones.

❇️Mood Swing

Puberty can be a difficult time for children. They’re coping with changes in their body, and possibly acne or body odour as well, at a time when they feel self-conscious.

Puberty can also be an exciting time, as children develop new emotions and feelings.

But the “emotional rollercoaster” they’re on can have psychological and emotional effects, such as:

👉unexplained mood swings

👉low self-esteem

👉aggression

👉depression

My final thoughts 👇

So dear parents, please be there for your boys, and be patient with them during this crucial stage of their life. Remember they are going through a lot and most of their behaviour can be one of the reasons. 

And, if your child has a question, answer it honestly. If you feel uncomfortable, need answers to questions, or are uncertain about how to have these talks with your child, ask your doctor for advice

And it’s also important to talk to your child about what’s happening to members of the opposite sex.

But you don’t need to call a meeting, when you want to have the “talk” with your boys 😆

You need to start talking to them early, when your child is young, especially when they start asking questions about their body parts. 

Each time you talk, offer more and more detail, depending upon your child’s maturity level and interest in the topic.

I hope this helps 😊♥️

Please let me know your thoughts in the comments below 👇👇

Thanks 

Olu ♥️♥️♥️

#positiveparentingwitholu

#puberty

#boys

#girls

#londonmoms

#parenting

#beintentionaleveryday

#talkingwithkidspuberty

#happyparenting

#tweenys

#momofboys

#nigerianparents

#boysarecool

Most children generally tend to copy their friends, however raising children in a foreign land is a total challenge on its own, especially raising a teenage son.

(I’m going to write an article soon about the difference between raising children in Nigeria and London.) 

Peer pressure works because children want to be liked by others and they want to be included. They may give in to pressure because of the fear of being made fun of or rejected. Sometimes they just don’t know how to deal with the situation, so we do what others tell us to do.

Here is a scenario of how a young boy got into trouble because he was trying to please his friends. 

Now!” whispered Tunde. “Quick, while the shopkeeper is not looking.”

Heart pounding, Daniel, leaned against the store’s unattended drinks display and slid two cans of coke into his backpack. He looked bored and detached as he followed his  friends Tunde and Ola out of the store, but inside he felt panicked.

“I can’t believe you made me do that,” Tunde wailed.

“Relax,” said Daniel. “Everybody does it sometimes. And we didn’t make you do it.”

He said nothing, but Tunde knew he wouldn’t have done that on his  own. He’d just had a big dose of peer pressure.

————-

I started having a serious talk about peer pressure with my teenage son, after one of my friend’s sons was jailed for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Kids are very smart, so I started our conversation with a question,

Here are some of the questions I asked him;

What would you do if your friends dare you to do something stupid like, taking something in the shoul without paying?

My son said it has actually happened to him before, and he went on to tell me about it and what he did. 

I was very proud of him because he did the right thing and he did not get involved with the situation. 

If you have a child or a teenager that are prone to doing what their friends ask them to do, here are some suggestions and ways to encourage them 

You can start by saying; 

❗️Sometimes your friends may ask you to do things that you’re not comfortable with. 

❗️And Sometimes it seems like everyone else is doing something so you might do it to feel “normal.

❗️Your friends may challenge you to do something – good or bad. 

❗️They might not ask you to do anything, but you may feel you have to do something because your friends are doing it.

🔷Here are some things you can share with your child on how to deal with peer pressure; 👇

✅Think about your choices – What would happen if you do it? What if you don’t?

✅Follow your instincts (If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t right for you.)

✅ Be assertive 

✅Say what you think

✅Talk about what you feel

✅Say No

✅If you’re still being pressured, walk away

✅Stay away from those who pressure you or make you feel bad about yourself

✅Hang out with people whose choices make you feel more comfortable

👉Is all peer pressure bad?

Not all peer pressure is bad. It can be positive. Your child’s peers may push them to do well in school, eat healthier, or participate in school activities such as sports or clubs. 

My final thoughts,

I think, It’s normal to worry that your child is being influenced too much by his peers, or that he’s selling out on his values (or yours) to fit in with his friends. It’s also normal to worry that your child won’t be able to say no if he gets pressure to try risky things, like not staying in school or drinking. 

But listening to the same music and dressing in the same way as friends doesn’t necessarily add up to your child then doing antisocial or risky things.

And if your child is happy with who she is and her choices and values, she’s less likely to be influenced by other people. She might choose to do some things that her friends do, but not others. And your influence is important here – it’s the biggest factor shaping your child’s values and long-term choices.

Let your kids know they can talk to you if they are pressured to do things they don’t like. 

Do you agree that raising kids in a foreign land is a bit different from raising kids in Nigeria? 

I would like to here your thoughts on this 👇

After yesterday’s A-level results and in ahead of today’s GCSE results day… Here are some encouraging words from me to parents 

Wishing all the year 12 and 13 well today ♥️

Students across England found out their A Level results on Tuesday. .

Year 12 students will be receiving their results today.

Congratulations to all the students that got to the university of their choice

And well done to all the students for their efforts, you will all do great things. This is just an event guys 

My advice to parent 

I would like to say to parents that whatever results your teenagers received today doesn’t define who they are.

Take it easy on them and remember this is only one experience. 

Talk to them and remind them that their emotions and experiences are two separate things 

Tell them that you’re proud of them and they are going to be okay. 

Please remember that your behaviour towards them today matters a lot because they will remember it for life

✅Celebrate the people that your teenagers are.

✅Their intellect, talent, kindness and generosity of spirit are what makes them special as individuals. 

✅ Believe in them and that they will go on to have a significant and positive impact on the lives of those around them , both near and far.

✅Allow them to do what they Love (don’t make it about you, it’s not) it’s their life 

This advice is for me too as I await for my son’s results. 

No matter what grades he achieves today, I would still be proud of him. 

He also knows that he meant more to me than whatever grades he achieved today. 

Of course I have higher expectations for him, but I also know that his tomorrow is bright

What matters most to me  is his happiness, he is not his grades or achievement ♥️

I’m sending all the year 13 and Year 12 so much love this week ♥️

I also know that things will fall into places regardless of your results 🙏🏾♥️ 

#teenagers 

#sixformresults

#year12&13

#resultsday2021

#GCSE

#congratulations 

#inspiration

#londonmoms

#parenting 

#positiveparentingwitholu

Last week I briefly spoke about the above caption and today is the concluding part. 

Please check my previous post to get the full gist of what today’s post is about, if you want. 

My youngest son is 17 and he is at that age that he is questioning everything about the authorities.

The other day, he asked me when he came back from his driving lesson,  “Mom what do I do when a policeman 👮‍♀️ stops me while driving”? 

 So as a parent I have to start talking to him about these things now. 

So here are some of the things I spoke to him about, I hope it helps you when you decide to have the “Talk” with your kids. (because they will experience it one day, so you need to prepare them so they know what to do) 

———————-

👉So what age and what exactly do you say to your children about police encounters, 

 It’s important for parents to be honest with their kids from an early age and to include more details as the child gets older.

✅Start talking about these issues as early as age 6 when your  children start school.

✅Your children are likely to hear about police incidents because they’re on the news, and everyone is talking about these events when they happen. 

✅You want them to hear it from you before hearing it from their peers and classmates.

✅Tell them the role police officers play and the benefits of police officers, but help them understand that sometimes police interactions don’t go as they should and that sometimes people are hurt.

✅When they are 10 years and above, start talking about concepts such as discrimination and racial injustice, using historical examples.

‼️Teaching your children what they have the right to say and not say during police stop and search is very important ❗️

✅I think it’s fine for kids to give their names to an officer, but once the questions go beyond that, they should immediately ask for two things: a parent and a lawyer.

✅Teach your kids to say something like; ‘I would feel more comfortable if my parents are here. I would like to call my parents, and I would like to have my lawyer present”. 

Those two things should end the questioning. 

👉TEACHING KIDS HOW TO HANDLE THEMSELVES IF THEY ARE PULLED OVER BY THE POLICE. 

✳️Teach your teenagers to stay calm and cooperate with officers’ requests.

✳️Even if kids know they’ve done something wrong, it is important for them to remain calm and compliant.

‼️During a traffic stop, tell your teens (and others) to  follow these steps:

– ❗️Turn off the ignition.

– ❗️Roll down all of your windows — even if it’s winter.

– ❗️Explain where your license, registration and insurance are before reaching for them.

👉What I tell my son, and the children I teach, is just COMPLY❗️

❗️If the police officer asks you to do something, roll down the window and give them whatever they ask. 

❗️And if it’s an unlawful order, there are systems set in place where that police officer will be held accountable for his actions.

❗️If kids feel their rights were violated during a stop,  I will advise them to take down the information they’ll need to report them later.

👉Every officer has a badge number, every car has a license number plates

I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below 👇👇

Happy Tuesday beautiful people 🥰🥰♥️♥️

This month of August, I will be talking about RAISING BOYS TO BE GOOD MEN. 

I’m sure you’ve heard this phrase before “Boys will be Boys”  (what does that even mean?)

If you have a son, ask yourself if you have ever used the phrase.

Did you use it as an excuse for when your son throws a toy right at his sister’s face? Or secretly steals money from your wallet and sneaks out of the house to go out with his friends when he’s older?

Of course as a parent you would not intentionally encourage your child to be aggressive to others. 

But every time you trivialize his bad behavior or cover up his shortcomings by using the “boys will be boys” excuse, you are in fact disadvantaging your son.

If your son refuses to help clean up after dinner time and runs off to play games instead while your daughter has to help clear the table and wash the dishes, and you shrug it off because “boys will be boys” 

Don’t be surprised if he doesn’t lift a finger to do his fair share of the housework when he’s married and expects his wife to do everything (even if she is also a working mom).

Going by this way of thinking, boys are also expected not to be too emotional. Or to cry when upset, because “they should stop being such a girl.”

It is discouraged for them to play with dolls, or take ballet lessons, or learn how to sew, even though that’s what they’re interested in, because such activities are only reserved for girls.

They won’t be given much sympathy if they are the victim of bullying in school even though it is not their fault, because it is considered girly of them to not stand up for themselves or fight back.

I’m afraid I have to stop writing here 

If you want to read the full post you may need to join our parenting group here 👇👇

By using the phrase “boys will be boys”  you are:

– Dismissing instead of correcting your son’s negative behaviour

– Never-ending gender discrimination

– Teaching him to not be responsible or accountable for his own actions

– Unintentionally setting him up for failure in life

Boys or girls, children will misbehave. They will try to duck out of doing their chores, get into fights with their friends or siblings. 

Ask yourself, does your daughter get punished for certain things while your son is able to get off scot-free?

My final thoughts 

We all love our children and only want what is best for them, so teach your son the valuable lesson of being responsible and accountable for his own actions.

Let him know that he should not expect to get a free pass nor does he have the upper hand in life simply because he is a boy living in a male dominated society.

Make him understand that if he misbehaves or does something wrong, there will be consequences to bear. 

What are your thoughts? 

Thanks 

Olu ♥️♥️

#boyswillbeboys

#parents

#momslife

#beintentional

#positiveparentingwitholu

#raisingboys

#girlsvsboys

#allchildrenmatter

ARE DOLLS ONLY FOR GIRLS? ❓

I know today’s post may not get lots of likes, because of what I’m about to share. (I don’t mind really, as long as one parent gets it) 

I laugh when adults/parents stop their little boy from playing with a dolly, because they think it’s inappropriate. 

And I’m so sick and tired of people thinking that when a little boy plays with a dolly, that means he is gay 🙁

I used to work with a 7 year old that loves playing with dolly. Most times he comes to lessons with a dolly and other kids used to make fun of him. 

I always tell them off of course, as well as explain to them that it’s ok  to play with any toys they want. 

——————-

There is nothing manlier than a man who holds a baby in his arms. 

Something a lot of women out there would agree on. 

So, that’s why it’s funny to me how when a grown man care for baby everyone thinks he is amazing,  but when a baby boy plays with a doll people seem to think it’s inappropriate 😅

But honestly – there is no such thing as “boy” toys or “girl” toys, there are just toys! 👌

Did you know that playing with dolls helps children develop compassion and empathy, learning how to care for another person. 

 Why would that only be for girls? ♥️

If you think differently, well, that’s on you! 

Dear parents, please allow your boys to play with any toys they like 👍  Don’t forget they are only kids. 

Nothing do them! 

Thanks

 Olu 

#boyslovesdolls

#girlslovecars

#kidsareawrsome

#girlandboyslife

#toys

#dollys

#positiveparenting

#playingisfun

#happyparenting

#positiveparentingwitholu

#allchildrenmatters