Positive Parenting With Olu

The other day, my son was eating crisps and he wanted to go into my room. Crumbs came out of his mouth as he took every bite.

 I told him not to go into my room with the crisps. I kept telling him he can’t come into my room when eating. I said it one more time when he was at my door. He ignored it and entered my room with crisps in his hands and crumbs on my rug.

I was angry. I exploded and yelled, “Didn’t you hear that I asked you not to come in with crisps?”

He looked at me, turned around, and left my room.

So what is the lesson?

That yelling and only yelling works with kids who don’t listen, right?

Wrong.

He didn’t listen to me because he couldn’t listen to me. I was not in front of him, making eye contact and ensuring he was paying attention to what I said.

Instead, I just sat at my desk and shouted my command, while he was fully immersed in tasting the yummy crisps. 

He simply couldn’t pay any attention to me until he  entered the room and saw me

.However, from my perspective, I thought he heard everything I said but ignored me. I thought he was purposely disrespecting me and my request. So I was angry. My emotions took over. Instead of looking into why he acted that way, I yelled at him.

I was being disrespectful to him.

I was shouting to him  from another room not caring whether I was interrupting what he was doing or not. And when he didn’t meet my expectations, I acted rudely toward him. I showed him that I only cared about my own needs. I showed him that when you were frustrated, you could be rude and disrespectful.

That was definitely the wrong message.

I was not a good role model in having empathy, respect, and self-control.

To teach respect, first, we need to stay calm and stay in control. Identify if this is a real “disrespect” situation, a misunderstanding, or simply because the child hasn’t learned the proper response in such a situation.

STAY CALM AND DON’T OVERREACT WHEN YOU THINK YOUR CHILD IS BEING DISRESPECTFUL. 

To be continued next week 🥰❤️❤️

Please I would like to know how you show respect to your kids 👇

Have a lovely day today 🥰❤️❤️

My birthday is in 2 months and I will 54 years young then.

So, as I was reflecting on my past and thinking about my future. I wrote some thoughts down about self-love and my relationship with others. Especially men .

And I thought I should share some of my thoughts with you if that’s ok. You never know you may learn one thing or two, especially if you’re a young girl in a relationship and if you’re a parent of young children.  

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Here we go 👇

I believe we have a comfort zone when we are in a relationship with others. This comfort zone forms when we are small. If our parents treat us with love and respect, then we associate this type of treatment with being loved.

If as it’s the case for many of us, if our parents were unable to treat us with love and respect, then we learnt to be comfortable with this lack. In an effort to get our needs met, to feel loved and cared for, we associate being treated badly for being loved. And this becomes our pattern.

And as patterns are formed in childhood and become the pattern we use unconsciously in all our relationships. 

I believe this pattern is more expressed in women than men. Because culturally women are expected to express vulnerability 

I will leave it here because it’s getting so deep, I will definitely share more in my memoirs (watch out)

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Anyway the reason I decided to share this post with you today is to let you know part of the reasons I focus on girl children. 

I know a lot of you have been asking me to talk about boys, even though I have 3 boys of my own. 

But like you may have known, everyone has a purpose and is passionate about something. 

And I also believe you can’t give what you don’t have. I am a woman (obviously 😄) and I have being through a lot just like most of you, so I think I rather stick to what I know best – ME

In addition, I’m so passionate about girls and that WHY I talk a lot about girls and also I have 2 beautiful granddaughters.

That’s one of the reasons I do what I do, I want my grand children to grow up knowing that we tried our best as mums and grandma 😄❤️❤️  

Dear parents, please Let’s change the narratives 🙏🏾

 As a parent, if we don’t want our kids to grow up accepting any kind of toxic behavior, because they think is love as num we must treat them with love and respect now that they’re still young. 

Because when we do, they will grow up only accepting people that treat them with love and respect. 

I will share more soon 🥰❤️❤️

I have to drop the mic now 🎤 😃, until next time Peace and happy parenting ✌🏾

Today we are going to continue our conversation about some other behaviour problems in a child and how to solve it. (You can read my previous post on my timeline if you want to learn about other common behaviour in kids)

So let’s talk about Defiant Behavior in kids

Why does my child act defiantly?

By age three your child has realised that he’s separate from you, and that he has his own identity.

Whether your child ignores you when you tell them to pick up their toys or says “No!” When you tell them to stop throwing a toy, defiance is difficult behavior to address. But it’s normal for kids to test limits at one time or another.

How should I handle my child’s defiance?

✅ Set clear rules 

Give your preschooler clear boundaries so that he knows what’s expected of him. Set a few simple rules, and discuss them: “We don’t hit. If you’re angry, use your words.” Or, “Remember, you always have to hold my hand in the car park.”

✅Praise good behaviour

One of the best ways to teach your child to obey the rules is to give him lots of praise when he does.

When your child won’t obey rules, offer a single when… then warning. Say, “When you pick up your toys, then you will be able to watch TV.”

If your child doesn’t comply after the warning, follow through with a consequence. 

With consistency, your child will learn to listen the first time you speak.

Let’s model good listening to them too, remember they learn from us. If you want them to listen to you we need to do the same. 

Respect is a two way things, even in a child and parent relationship 😊

I know we all want to raise kind, polite and thoughtful children 

So, let’s try our best 🙏🏾

Remember when we know better we must do better

Thanks and have an amazing week guys 🥰🥰🤗❤️❤️

OLU 🥰🥰❤️

AWAY

My youngest son is 18 years old  and today is his last day at school. His last day at sixth form. 

After A levels, 18 year olds have many options they can choose from.

They can either go to university or enrol in a college, or apply for apprenticeships and start the ‘work’ parts earlier. 

Or they can get a job, which will not only give them a chance to earn some money but learn timekeeping, responsibility, independence etc

My son decided to take a one year gap to find himself before he decides on what he wants to do about his future. 😊

Whatever happens I am proud that he is developing independence and know at some point he will be successful in his chosen career. His happiness is more important to me than doing what others expect him to do.

Why I’m I sharing this with you? 

Here is why 👇👇

Throughout his primary education, I used to just accept everything his teachers told me about him without questioning it. And I will comply with whatever they say about my son and I always believe them over my son. 

It took me a while to realise that just because someone is an “expert” or “in charge” doesn’t mean they know what’s best for my son. 

So today, I thought I should share this to everyone who needs to hear this. 

Please don’t give your parental authority away! The Teachers and Headteachers don’t have authority over your children!

Teachers and Headteachers don’t have authority over your children!

Only YOU have the maximum authority over your children. 

So,  if someone in authority approaches you or tells you to do something to your child, please do your own research first. You don’t need to take their word for it! 

You don’t need to blindly comply with whatever any individual is telling you to do to your children!

You will never feel more at peace or more empowered than when you follow your instinct as a mother! 

 And your children will be their happiest.   ❤️❤️❤️

Parents have the ultimate say! 

Thanks and I would love to her your thoughts on today’s post 👇👇

Common Child Behavior Problems and Their Solutions (part 2) 

Today we are going to continue by talking about some other behaviour problems in a child and how to solve it. (You can read my last on my timeline if you want to learn what to do if your child tells lies)  

Name-calling, throwing things, and rolling their eyes at you are just a few of the common behavior problems that show disrespect. If disrespectful behavior is not addressed appropriately, it will likely get worse with time.

If your child’s intent is to get your attention, ignoring them can be the best course of action. Show your child that sticking their tongue out at you doesn’t result in the reaction they’re looking for.

🟢 SO HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH A DISRESPECTFUL CHILD?

Here’s what you can do: sit down and talk with him when things are calm. Tell him about a time when he did treat someone respectfully and praise him for it. Then, teach him how you want him to respond respectfully when you (and other adults) talk to him or give him an instruction.

Our children are mirrors, reflecting images of what happens around them.

They are always watching what we do. They watch how we treat other people and see how we deal with our feelings. They soak in all that information like little sponges. Even when you think the children aren’t paying attention, it’s important to be a positive role model.  

Role model the behaviour you want to see from your children. 

My final thoughts 

Our job as a parent is to help mold our children into kind, respectful, honest and caring people. And sometimes the easiest way to do that is to be a good role model. 

Please 

Thanks and have an amazing week guys 🥰🥰🤗❤️❤️

OLU 🥰🥰❤️

This month our topic is going to be on EFFECTIVE DISCIPLINE

A few weeks ago, someone who follows me on social media sent me this message 👇

My daughter tells lies all the time — big ones and small ones. She does it even when it’s clear that what she’s saying isn’t true.  She’s a good kid, and I don’t understand why she’s lying so much. 

Why is your child lying? Why can’t he trust you with the truth? Why does he feel being truthful wouldn’t work for him?

Children don’t lie because they’re bad. They’re trying to meet a need. And they’ve learned from experience their parents won’t help. They’ve learn that sneaking is more likely to work. Punishing him for lying will just help him learn how to be sneakier so he isn’t caught

So today just in case there is someone that has a child that lies about stuff here is how our conversation went.

Mom: “My daughter is a liar, she lies about everything, I have tried so many things to get her to stop lying and I’m so tired of her lies”. She said

Me: I know your daughter’s behaviour may seem like there is nothing else to do and you may be thinking she is bad or a dishonest person. Let me start by saying that your daughter is not bad at all.

Children lie for 3 reasons : to get attention, to avoid getting in trouble, and to feel better about themselves.

As a parent, you need to find out the reason why your child is lying because knowing why will help you find a solution to the problem. 

When you catch your child in a lie, ask, “Is that what really happened or what you wish would have happened?” 

Help your child avoid situations where they feel the need to lie. For example, if you ask your child if they spilled the milk, your child might feel tempted to lie. To avoid this situation you could just say, ‘I see there’s been an accident with the milk. Let’s clean it up’.

Emphasize the importance of honesty by creating a household rule that says, “Tell the truth.”

Praise them when they tell the truth, especially when the truth could get them in trouble. Say something like, “I’m so proud of you for being honest about eating that cupcake after I said no. I’m still going to take away your iPad today but because you told the truth you won’t lose your game for tomorrow too.”

Model honesty at home too – Remember children see everything we do and they copy us! 

In addition, please dear parents, let’s make sure we come true when we promise our children something. And if we couldn’t, tell them why. Because kids consider this as lies 😀

As parents, when we know better we must do better.

Thanks for reading through and have an amazing day today guys 🤗

OLU ❤️❤️❤️❤️

It’s finally live on Amazon🙌🙌🙌

I’m so excited to let you know that my latest book – Growing up for girls. 

It is a reassuring guide for girls age 10+ on what they expect when they grow up, and I hope it help young people to navigate changes in their body and puberty. 

It can be a difficult time, so I have written a book that I hope will answer some of the questions that girls may not feel able to talk about, and reassure them that their journey is unique and special to them. Because we all go through this journey in different stages – there is no right or wrong way, but I hope this book helps steer them and they understand what they’re going through.

You can order your copy now via the link below

https://www.amazon.co.uk/DEAR-GIRL-ITS-ALL-ABOUT-ebook/dp/B0B2M7TNDV/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?crid=22G2UYZZ4W1P8&keywords=dear+girl&qid=1654465763&sprefix=%2Caps%2C53&sr=8-12

If you’re a mother of a teenage boy you need to hear this. 

Your child loves you. 

I know that’s the question you keep asking yourself. Because for so many days he walks through that door with a frown in his face and just locks himself in his room. 

You look up and smile at him when he comes home. You ask about his day and how his class is going. You pray and you love him and you show up again and again. 

And sometimes you wonder if he doesn’t like you.

He still blames you for sending him to the wrong school. He once told you that you’re the strictest parents of all his friends. Sometimes he said he can’t wait to go to Uni so that he can finally move far away from you. 

And it hurts.

But, he is lying.

The truth is that he is hurting.

Being a teenager today is very hard for him. Life is hard, friendship, schools are hard, course works, classes, meeting deadlines and studying for exams and making sure he gets good grades, and all the pressures of being a teenager and what they’re going to do after Sixth Form? It’s just too hard! 

And after a particularly hard day at school, he comes home and hands all those hurts  to You! 

And it’s not because he doesn’t like you.

Quite the opposite.

It’s because he loves you! And he feels so loved by you that he knows you will not leave him and that you will always be there for him. He knows you got his back and that you will never leave him.

He trusts you and he needs you!

 He loves you really. 

You are the mother of a teenager growing up in this uncertain world. 

And you’re doing a beautiful job loving him unconditionally no matter what.

Keep showing up for him.

Trust me,  your son LOVES YOU dearly!  🥰❤️❤️

#teens mom

#teenageboys

#momandson

#sonloveatheirmom

In their tween and teenage years, girls become less self-confident —a feeling that often lasts through adulthood.

And they are well aware that they’re judged by their looks… and almost all of them think they come off short. 

In my research I found that the time that girls experience decline in self- confidence is the tween years just when puberty hits.  

The change can be confusing to many parents: Their young girls are masters of the universe, full of life. But as puberty sets in, their confidence nose-dives, and those same daughters can transform into unrecognizably timid, cautious, risk-averse versions of their former self.

It’s very sad to see young smart, beautiful and wonderful girls start to find fault with their body. 

Over the course of writing my latest book, I spoke with some tween and teen girls who gave me a good number of things they don’t feel confident about: “making new friends,” “the way I dress,” “speaking in a group.”

As a mom, or a woman yourself you can probably relate, it’s so easy to find flaws in how we look. We compare ourselves to what we see on the billboard or the models. Which was fake anyway! 

We know that we are more than how we look and other things are more important than how we look, but it’s so hard not to get sucked in. So imagine how much harder it is for our daughter. 

Here is how you can keep puberty from killing your tween girl’s confidence.

• Watch your own language.
• Focus on things besides looks.
• Validate the awkwardness of puberty.
• Encourage your daughter to look around her at real bodies.
• Have her use her body, not just look at it.
• Get them to read inspirational book
• Get them my book that talks  about puberty and all girl stuffs; such as how to celebrate their own body and be happy in their skin 

It’s available on kindle as a well (You can read it free online if you have a Kindle App) 

More questions and answers can be found in my new book – DEAR GIRL, It’s all about YOU! The girl’s guide to growing up – By Olufunke Akinniyi- Available on Amazon today

This book includes everything girls need to know about puberty, period, and bras, How to improve their self- esteem, standing up for themselves, standing up to bullying, studying for exams, feelings, positive body image, self-discipline, ceand choosing the right friends, and so much more. 

This book will guide them as they learn about (and celebrate) their amazing, changing, one-of-a-kind bodies―during puberty and beyond

Get your copies today you be doing your daughters a favour

KNOWLEDGE IS POWER ! 

KNOWLEDGE IS POWER ! 

#girls

#beintentional

#newbookalert

#teenagegirlslovetheirmom

#tweens

#positiveparentingwitholu

#positiveparenting

#selfconfidence

#periodtalk

#puberty

Will you please spend some time with me?

I know, I know. She’s always on her phone, or in her room, or with her friends, right? 

And when you try to go into her room to talk to her, she acts like you’re intruding and sends you away. Sound familiar?

The reasons why they pretend to be too busy for you is because they know, you coming to their room only meant one thing! To lecture them about stuff or correct them.

Here is what one of the girls I spoke to said “she’s going to bring up grades or homework or the messy room, or worse yet she’s going to lecture and tell a story about a lesson she learned “back in the day.” 

Dear moms, Does that sound familiar to you? 👆

👉 So, what does your daughter really want?

✅ She wants time with you without a hidden agenda. Time that isn’t plan or forced. 

✅ She wants to laugh with you and be silly.

✅  She wants to tell you about her day without 1000 questions. 

✅ She wants to feel accepted by you unconditionally.

The trick to a more connected relationship, though, is that it needs to happen naturally. 

The last thing your daughter wants to hear is a guilt trip like, “You never spend any time with me. Let’s do something together!”

 It doesn’t have to be a big, scheduled date night or a mother/daughter weekend away, although those are wonderful once in a while. Connecting doesn’t have to be complicated or over-thought. 

Little connections can happen all day long—in the car, at bedtime, texts throughout the day, chats while watching TV — until being connected becomes a habit. 

Pay special attention to those rare moments when she invites you into her world.

When she tells you a story about some girl drama, just listen. When she tells you about someone she likes, ask to see a picture. When she whines and complains about an assignment or a teacher, just let her vent.

 Of course she will make mistakes and of course sometimes she’s just wrong. 

But there will be plenty of time for correcting and guiding later. 

When she offers you a glimpse into her world, for that brief moment just focus on enjoying the view.

My final thoughts

Dear moms and dad, let’s try to connect with our kids especially our teens more now that they are still with us. My last baby is 18 and in summer he will be moving out and going away from home for a year. He hasn’t left home for more than 2 weeks before and I’m already missing him.

What I’m I trying to say, is that these kids grow up so fast, so instead of focusing on their mistakes let’s focus more on the present moment and enjoy their company, because it doesn’t last forever.

Please leave a comment below 👇 if you agree or not.

Thanks for reading through

Have a blessed day