I’m so excited to let you know that my latest book – Growing up for girls.
It is a reassuring guide for girls age 10+ on what they expect when they grow up, and I hope it help young people to navigate changes in their body and puberty.
It can be a difficult time, so I have written a book that I hope will answer some of the questions that girls may not feel able to talk about, and reassure them that their journey is unique and special to them. Because we all go through this journey in different stages – there is no right or wrong way, but I hope this book helps steer them and they understand what they’re going through.
If you’re a mother of a teenage boy you need to hear this.
Your child loves you.
I know that’s the question you keep asking yourself. Because for so many days he walks through that door with a frown in his face and just locks himself in his room.
You look up and smile at him when he comes home. You ask about his day and how his class is going. You pray and you love him and you show up again and again.
And sometimes you wonder if he doesn’t like you.
He still blames you for sending him to the wrong school. He once told you that you’re the strictest parents of all his friends. Sometimes he said he can’t wait to go to Uni so that he can finally move far away from you.
And it hurts.
But, he is lying.
The truth is that he is hurting.
Being a teenager today is very hard for him. Life is hard, friendship, schools are hard, course works, classes, meeting deadlines and studying for exams and making sure he gets good grades, and all the pressures of being a teenager and what they’re going to do after Sixth Form? It’s just too hard!
And after a particularly hard day at school, he comes home and hands all those hurts to You!
And it’s not because he doesn’t like you.
Quite the opposite.
It’s because he loves you! And he feels so loved by you that he knows you will not leave him and that you will always be there for him. He knows you got his back and that you will never leave him.
He trusts you and he needs you!
He loves you really.
You are the mother of a teenager growing up in this uncertain world.
And you’re doing a beautiful job loving him unconditionally no matter what.
In their tween and teenage years, girls become less self-confident —a feeling that often lasts through adulthood.
And they are well aware that they’re judged by their looks… and almost all of them think they come off short.
In my research I found that the time that girls experience decline in self- confidence is the tween years just when puberty hits.
The change can be confusing to many parents: Their young girls are masters of the universe, full of life. But as puberty sets in, their confidence nose-dives, and those same daughters can transform into unrecognizably timid, cautious, risk-averse versions of their former self.
It’s very sad to see young smart, beautiful and wonderful girls start to find fault with their body.
Over the course of writing my latest book, I spoke with some tween and teen girls who gave me a good number of things they don’t feel confident about: “making new friends,” “the way I dress,” “speaking in a group.”
As a mom, or a woman yourself you can probably relate, it’s so easy to find flaws in how we look. We compare ourselves to what we see on the billboard or the models. Which was fake anyway!
We know that we are more than how we look and other things are more important than how we look, but it’s so hard not to get sucked in. So imagine how much harder it is for our daughter.
Here is how you can keep puberty from killing your tween girl’s confidence.
Watch your own language.
Focus on things besides looks.
Validate the awkwardness of puberty.
Encourage your daughter to look around her at real bodies.
Have her use her body, not just look at it.
Get them to read inspirational book
Get them my book that talks about puberty and all girl stuffs; such as how to celebrate their own body and be happy in their skin
It’s available on kindle as a well (You can read it free online if you have a Kindle App)
More questions and answers can be found in my new book – DEAR GIRL, It’s all about YOU! The girl’s guide to growing up – By Olufunke Akinniyi- Available on Amazon today
This book includes everything girls need to know about puberty, period, and bras, How to improve their self- esteem, standing up for themselves, standing up to bullying, studying for exams, feelings, positive body image, self-discipline, ceand choosing the right friends, and so much more.
This book will guide them as they learn about (and celebrate) their amazing, changing, one-of-a-kind bodies―during puberty and beyond
Get your copies today you be doing your daughters a favour
I know, I know. She’s always on her phone, or in her room, or with her friends, right?
And when you try to go into her room to talk to her, she acts like you’re intruding and sends you away. Sound familiar?
The reasons why they pretend to be too busy for you is because they know, you coming to their room only meant one thing! To lecture them about stuff or correct them.
Here is what one of the girls I spoke to said “she’s going to bring up grades or homework or the messy room, or worse yet she’s going to lecture and tell a story about a lesson she learned “back in the day.”
Dear moms, Does that sound familiar to you? 👆
👉 So, what does your daughter really want?
✅ She wants time with you without a hidden agenda. Time that isn’t plan or forced.
✅ She wants to laugh with you and be silly.
✅ She wants to tell you about her day without 1000 questions.
✅ She wants to feel accepted by you unconditionally.
The trick to a more connected relationship, though, is that it needs to happen naturally.
The last thing your daughter wants to hear is a guilt trip like, “You never spend any time with me. Let’s do something together!”
It doesn’t have to be a big, scheduled date night or a mother/daughter weekend away, although those are wonderful once in a while. Connecting doesn’t have to be complicated or over-thought.
Little connections can happen all day long—in the car, at bedtime, texts throughout the day, chats while watching TV — until being connected becomes a habit.
Pay special attention to those rare moments when she invites you into her world.
When she tells you a story about some girl drama, just listen. When she tells you about someone she likes, ask to see a picture. When she whines and complains about an assignment or a teacher, just let her vent.
Of course she will make mistakes and of course sometimes she’s just wrong.
But there will be plenty of time for correcting and guiding later.
When she offers you a glimpse into her world, for that brief moment just focus on enjoying the view.
My final thoughts
Dear moms and dad, let’s try to connect with our kids especially our teens more now that they are still with us. My last baby is 18 and in summer he will be moving out and going away from home for a year. He hasn’t left home for more than 2 weeks before and I’m already missing him.
What I’m I trying to say, is that these kids grow up so fast, so instead of focusing on their mistakes let’s focus more on the present moment and enjoy their company, because it doesn’t last forever.
Please leave a comment below 👇 if you agree or not.
Hello moms, a few days ago I shared some of the questions your daughters really want to know.
Do you like me?
That also seems like such a laughable question, but you’d be amazed at how many girls tell me they truly believe their mom doesn’t enjoy their company.
As parents who are trying to keep our teenagers safe and guide them toward making good choices, sometimes we are guilty of focusing on everything that could go wrong at the expense of accepting what is going right.
Study shows that – Between teachers, coaches and parents, the average teenager is scolded, redirected or corrected approximately 50 times per day!
✅ Your daughter is eager to know what you enjoy about her personality and what talents you admire in her.
✅ She wants to know all the ways she reminds you of your younger self, or of your own mother.
✅ She wants to know all of the hopes you have for her, without the weight of making a mistake and disappointing you.
✅ Remember when she was 3 years old and every little accomplishment –from the simplest artwork to tying a shoe — was praised as amazing? She just wants a little taste of that again.
I’m passionate about working with children, I enjoyed working with them and I love them and sometimes some of them are misunderstood.
No child is born bad!
Today, I’m going to share some of the questions your daughters want answers to …
Pre-teens and Teenage girls feel vulnerable, scared and at times unlovable.
I know they can also be difficult, self-centered and impossible.
As moms it’s our job to see past the eye-rolling and sighing to figure out what is really on their minds.
They are craving a more connected relationship with you, but what does that really mean?
After working with lots of girls over the years,
I have learned that what they really crave from their moms is an answer to these 3 question.
Do you really know me?
It seems a little silly, I know. Of course you know your daughter. But the question is really deeper than that. She is looking for evidence that you want to know who she is and what she cares about. She wants to know: Do you know what I like to do for fun? Do you know who my friends are? Do you know who my crush is? Do you know what kind of music I like?
And more importantly, do you know what I dream about? Do you know what kind of life I want for myself? Do you know what I’m afraid of? Do you know what I worry about?
One of our deepest, most basic human needs is the need for Love and Belonging.
Your daughter is craving a connection with you that reassures her that you see her, you hear her and you “get” her.
When was the last time you had a conversation with her about her future that didn’t involve getting into college and her grades?
When was the last time you asked her about her favorite artist and what she loves about her instead of just asking her to turn the music down?
Dear parents, do you have a son between the age 10 and 15?
Have you noticed that the clothes that you got a few weeks ago don’t fit?
Are they concerned about how they look?
Do you notice that they’re always angry?
They’re probably going through puberty.
Dear parents, It’s good to know about the changes before they happened.
So, today I’m going to share 5 top things a boy can expect when going through puberty.
Your son will go through a growth spurt, it’s a time when their body grows tall so fast. So during puberty your son should grow taller. Their feet will grow too. It’s normal 😊
They will start having some sensation down there and sometimes have wet dreams. It’s normal. If your son told you about this let them know that it’s ok and that they’re going through puberty.
Another thing that comes with puberty is acne or pimples. Tell them not to touch or squeeze the acne. The good thing about acne is that it usually disappears after adolescence.
One of the signs of puberty is hair growing in places that it didn’t grow before.
They will sweat a lot and smell. This is normal, It’s their hormones at work. The best thing to do is to make sure they have a thorough bath daily. Get them a deodorant or antiperspirant for their armpit and dettol soap for bathing. It helps with my son when he was going through puberty 😊. Their voices will change too.
So when puberty hits your kids, their body will change a lot! They will experience new emotions, strange feelings and new brains.
So as parents when we educate ourselves on this subject we are going to be ready to deal with them when they start or if we don’t we will lose them and start having a power struggle with them.
By the way, I have just written a book about Girl’s puberty.
If you have a daughter and you want her to be prepared for puberty and everything about girls stuffs, then buy my book! (DEAR GIRL IT’S ALL ABOUT YOU)
I know for some of us when growing up, our parents did not tell us about puberty or menstruation. When it came we just got on with it. 😄
But as a 21 century parents raising children we should do better.
Knowledge is power!
The girl book about puberty will be available on Amazon on Friday
Just go on Amazon and type my name on the search bar -OLUFUNKE AKINNIYI and you will see my books
If you have a 10 year old daughter and you haven’t spoken to them about their first periods yet.
Then today’s post is for you.
Today I’m going to talk about supporting your daughter with their first period.
It’s important to talk to your daughters before they start their periods.
Most parents always shy away from this topic.
If you don’t know what to say, you can just screenshot my post and send it to your daughter’s phone.
It’s going to happen anyway, better to get them ready in the best manner.
_____________________________________
WHEN WILL I GET MY FIRST PERIOD?
Before you get your first period, you might notice changes in your:
Nipples/breasts
Pubic hair
Body shape
Fluid in your underwear
The most important thing to remember is that your body is unique. There is no exact “right” time for anything to happen.
Every healthy body has its own pattern and timing.
WHEN PERIOD STARTS
There are a couple of clues as to when your period starts. It will probably be 2 to 3 years when your breast begins to grow. And a few months before your period starts you might get some more fluid leaking out from your vaginal. Period usually starts sometime between the ages of 10 and 15. But not always
PERIOD PAIN
Some women get aches below their tummy during and at the start of their period.
Menstrual cramps happen because of contractions in the uterus, or womb, which is a muscle.
HOW CAN I STOP PERIOD PAIN?
Exercise regularly. Physical activity, helps ease menstrual cramps for some women.
Use heat. Soaking in a hot bath or using a heating pad, hot water bottle or heat patch on your lower abdomen might ease menstrual cramps.
Try dietary supplements, such as Omega -3 and Vitamin E
PMS
Some people feel bloated, tired and low for a few days before their period. This is known as PMS (Premenstrual syndrome) And it’s probably caused by changing hormones. When this happens is best you try eating healthy food throughout the day and getting some exercise and rest.
COPING WITH PERIOD
Having periods is a normal and healthy part of growing up. A lot of people have no pro them with them at all. On the other hand your hormones are going up and down.
Dear girl, you still waiting to get your period? Try not to stress out about it too much.
To be continued….
#girls
#firstperiod
#copingwithperiod
#menstrualtips
#momslife
#girlsmum
#positiveparentingwitholu
TALKING ABOUT PUBERTY
Talking about puberty can be so awkward!
What do you say?
Where do you start?
How do you get your tween or teen to open up?
These are some of the questions I get asked by parents.
I’ve had students come up to me after class and said, “Ms Olu, I’ve got this question. But I can’t ask my mum.” And I say, why? Why do you feel like you can’t ask your mum? “Because well, she might think I’m rude.”
I think the earlier we start talking to them the better.
If we miss it, it may become difficult to get them to listen later when they’re already going through it.
And by then you may start wondering, what’s wrong with my daughter, what is she behaving like this and that.
So the earlier you start the talk the better, so that when the mood swings and the body odor arrives you and your child will be ready .
START THE TALK EARLY!
Kids see and hear a lot about sex and relationships on TV and online.
By the time they near puberty, they may be familiar with some of the ideas.
Is your job as parents to talk to your children about puberty because not all this other information is reliable.
Don’t wait for your kids to come to you with questions about their changing body.
Some girls start puberty at 8 years old, and some boys do by 9.
So you may need to start these talks earlier than you think.
Discuss the physical and emotional changes that come with puberty before they begin.
Normally, puberty starts in girls when they’re between 8 and 14 years old.
With girls, parents should talk about menstruation before their daughters start their periods.
If they don’t know what’s happening, girls can be scared when they see blood coming out from them.
Most girls get their first period when they’re 11 or 13 years old, which is about 2 or 2½ years after they begin puberty. But some get their periods as early as age 9, while others get it as late as age 16.
In boys, puberty normally starts when they’re 9 to 15 years. Some boys begin going through puberty a little later than girls, usually around age 10 or 11.
‼️EXPLAIN TO YOUR SON/ DAUGHTER WHAT PUBERTY IS
✅Let her know that puberty is a normal part of growing up.
✅You can say things like, – ‘puberty is the time in your life that you will start to grow and change to adulthood’.
✅Let her know that her body will go through lots of changes.
✅Explain to her that it can take 3 or 5 years to go through it.
WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO MY DAUGHTER ABOUT MENSTRUATION.
✅ Look for teachable moments. Don’t make it sound like a lecture. And it doesn’t have to be a long conversation 😆
For example: when a tampon or pad commercial comes on TV
You can say, have you ever heard of tampons or pads before?
Ask her if she knows what they are used for.
If she said no, then explain to her what it was and why she needs to know.
✅You can get a pad and just show her how to use it.
✅ Talk to her about the changes in her body. (Breast growing, getting pimples, having body odor etc…)
✅ Talk to her about changes in her brain. Let her know that she may feel grouchy or moody for no reason. Let her know it’s normal and it won’t last forever.
Keep the Talks Going
Let your child know that you’re available to talk 😊
And if you’re still not comfortable talking to them, then
get them some books on Puberty 😊
Have you started having the talk with your kids yet? 👇
So I have come to the end of my first year of studying a degree course in child psychology at the Open university.
I also met my deadline this time, and I’m so proud of myself 🙌🙌🙌
And yes, it’s a year already 😆
My final paper was on Adolescence.
So, in this month of May I’m going to be sharing a little bit about what I learnt about Adolescence and How To Support Them As A Parent .
So if you’re a parent of a teenager or young adult you may want to stick around with me this month. 😀
So our Theme for the month of May is going to be talking about: Growing Up (All about Adolescence, body changes and sex)
What is Adolescence?
Adolescence is the phase of life between childhood and adulthood, from ages 10 to 19.
It’s simply put as the phase of growing up (stages of development )
It’s the time and period when several things happen in a kid’s body that turns him or her into an adult.
This time is not only marked by the physical, mentally, emotionally and psychological changes in the person.
So if this is the meaning of adolescence, then what could puberty mean?
Puberty refers to the process of changes in the body
The average ages that puberty occurs in children are between Ages 13 – 19 years.
This is the time that most teens are not comfortable about themselves, the way they look and they feel unhappy with their body image.
So why I’m I sharing this with you?
Here is why 👇
Because the teenage years are very crucial in everybody’s life.
I have noticed that some of us parents are not talking to our children about personal stuff like this, maybe because some of us don’t know how or we are just not bothered and we leave it to schools.
Yes, most schools will educate your kids about this things, but as parents it’s our responsibility to make sure we do the same.
A lot of what we do in our adult life is actually incorporated in how we do things.
So it make sense to prepare children and young people for that kind of situation that they are bound to encounter.
To be continued next week …
Have an amazing week guys
What do you think? Do you find it easy to talk to your children or teenagers about personal stuff? 👇👇👇
Positive Parenting With Olu 