RAISING BOYS : HOW TO STOP BLAMING AND SHAMING IN BOYS.

Research shows that in the face of failure girls and women tend to blame themselves, but boys and men tend to blame others. .

I can remember when my son was little, whenever he lost somethings, rather than looking for them, he would ask me and say things like “what did you do with my school shoes”., Not, Do you know where I left my school shoes?

If we don’t interrupt that pattern, boys can stay stuck in blaming games.

The other thing boys do is shaming themselves. 

Is either someone’s fault or they go straight to shaming themselves and say things like “I’m so stupid, I’m such an idiot. I hear a lot of this self destructive talk among young boys I work with.

“It was my brothers fault” “My teacher did not teach us the right way and so on” 

Or the shame statements 👉 I’m the dumbest person in this family” … 

I have also noticed that when some of my students get some questions wrong, some of them will either slap themselves in the head and say something like “I’m so stupid” 

Whatever it may be the shame to blame pattern will stay in your boys life until he is an adult, unless you teach them to take ownership of their 

Let’s think about this way 👇

Let’s think 👉 BLAME AS: “it’s your fault”

                      OWNERSHIP AS: “I made a mistake “

                       SHAME AS : “ I am a mistake “ 

So we have to teach boys to learn the skills of taking ownership. And doing any needed relational work.

I believe, if we are going to stop this troubling trend, we have to remember our real job as parents: we’re not raising kids, we’re raising future adults.

So how do you begin to introduce ownership into your children’s life at a young age? Here are some suggestions.

✅ The first thing they can do is stop blaming others for their mistakes. It’s as simple as that. 

✅ The need to take responsibility for their own actions and deal with the consequences of this. 

My final thoughts 

As parents we need to stop doing things for them and 

we refuse to let them fail; we tell them everything is OK when they’ve committed a huge error; and we do things for them that they ought to be doing themselves. When I sense ownership, however, it means I am self-sufficient and can take responsibility myself for provision.

Dear parents, let’s remember what real love for your child looks like:

If I love my kids, I want them to respect me now even more than love me. I know they will appreciate me at age 30, so I’m willing to lead them now so they grow into healthy adults.

Happy parenting 😘❤️

Olu 🥰❤️

#positiveparentingwitholu

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What Loving your kids look like 

If I really love my kids, I am honest with them. I don’t paint a dishonest picture about their giftedness or beauty. I speak lovingly, but truthfully.

If I love my kids, I’ll care enough to offer them clear direction, even if it’s unpopular at the time. It’s more important to be their leader than their buddy.

If I really love my kids, I don’t always give them what they want, but what they need. I recognize they’ll choose ice cream over vegetables, so I help them make better choices until they’re ready to do so themselves.

If I love my kids, I want them to respect me now even more than love me. I know they will appreciate me at age 30, so I’m willing to lead them now so they grow into healthy adults.

If I really love my kids, I will help them see the long-term ripple effect of their decisions. I teach them to “pay now and play later.”

If I really love my kids, I provide discipline, but more than that, I teach them to discipline themselves so someone else doesn’t have to.