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Happy Tuesday parents, I trust you are all well. đâ¤ď¸
As parents, we want our children to listen to us, show us respect, and follow our rules.
However, for children to feel willing to listen to us, they need to feel a strong connection with us first.
When your child is behaving in challenging ways, it’s important to remain calm and respond calmly.
Children feel safe when they have a connection/bond with the adults that are taking care of them. They can play and explore the world without the fear of being left or scolded because of something they have done. They know they are loved.
So before I share some tips on how to connect before you correct your child, I would like to give an example that may help you understand.
As an adult, I want you to think back to when you knew you did something wrong and someone told you off, how did you feel?
Ok, letâs look at this scenario: đ
Letâs say you are at work and one of your jobs is to send and reply to emails or whatever your job entails.
One day you made a mistake and you kind of know and you were trying to rectify your mistakes, but you canât at that time. It might be because itâs a new job and you donât know a lot yet.
And every day your boss comes in to remind you that you fail again at your job, and probably say things like this to you.
– âWhy do you always make this kind of mistake every day if youâre not going to sit tight and learn this well, I may have to sack youâ
Does that negative feedback help?
The answer is No!
it doesnât help at all!
All you feel at that moment is anger, and you may also feel like punching your boss. Right?
At that time, youâll be like, âI already know that I made a mistake and I donât need you to come and tell me this every day! And if you keep pointing out my failure, Iâm going to resist you more, right?
But, if you have a thoughtful boss, that believes in you, he may offer you some solutions on how to do your job well next time.
So, as an adult, you wouldnât like anyone to always point out your mistakes.
Then why are we doing that with our kids?
Children will listen more when you connect with them first before you correct them.
Your kids already know that they fail at something, they donât need you to tell them, over and over again, especially teenagers.
I remember when my son was in secondary school and he would come home with bad grades and I would say things like âOMG I knew you were going to fail that test because you didnât studyâ (âšď¸)
But later, I learnt to connect with him first before correcting him and it works.
So when he brings home bad grades, I will say to him âThat must be so disappointing to have done so poorly on the test and I will then suggest a plan that we can work on together so that he can do better next time.
I must say it was when I started connecting with him before correcting him, that he started listening more.
So, as parents, I think we should be the ones inspiring our children because remember people who make a difference in our lives, inspire and believe in us. I think we should be like that with our kids.
HOW DO YOU DO THIS:
Any time your child makes a mistake or does something wrong, youâre going to start by connecting before you correct.
Youâre going to start by talking about What is going right with them at that moment before you start talking about how what they can do better next time.
HERE ARE 3 STEPS TO TAKE WHEN YOUR CHILD MADE MISTAKES.
Only talk to them when both of you are calm!
Share with them what went right.
Tell them you believe in them, talk to them about how confident you are of them that you know they will do better next time and that they have the potential to be successful in whatever they put their heart to.
3. Next is to create a plan with them so that they can do better next time.
Parents, if you follow through with these steps every time your child makes a mistake, they will begin to see you as someone who inspires them to do better instead of someone who will punish them and tell them what they already know.
Where I work there is a high population of senior citizens. In a week, one or two elderly people will walk into our learning centre and ask me to help them do one thing or the other on their phones. I have also noticed some of them at the library struggling with their mobile devices.
I think there is a need! So I wonder if I could create a solution.
So this month I have decided to organize free computer classes for older adults who want to improve their computer skills or want to learn some basic skills on how to use their phones to do online shopping or how to do online banking, or send email and many more things on the internet.
This clases is nothing fancy, itâs just me supporting small groups of 3 to 5 older adults in a very friendly environment.
Just come as you are and bring your laptop or phones and I will show you how to use them properly.
This is difficult to answer as all children are different. In my previous post, I suggested rewards, identifying learning styles and offering assistance.
Today Iâm going to use my son as an example to illustrate my point.
My son, while a good kid, was a lousy student! (Please donât tell him o đ)
I would get calls from his teachers once a week when he was in secondary school. I knew then he was in some kind of trouble.
He wanted to play football but the team had grade requirements. He didnât meet them.
I tried offering tutors, suggested he ask for help from teachers, threatened and begged.
When he was in year 10 I stopped talking to him about studying.
But I never took football out of the equation because I felt the work ethic and commitment it required was important for him. He needed (or maybe I needed for him) to be passionate about something. He needed something to feel good about, especially since his older siblings had good grades when they were in school.
I, as a mom, made sure he knew I was there to support his achievements. I tried my best to go to his football games.
What I didn’t do is ask him if he had homework, or tests, or exams. I stopped because he needed to learn to do things without his mom nagging him. When he talked about uni, I simply said âYou’re not going to uni Toluâ. He would say to me âWow Mom, way to be supportiveâ. đ
I had to sit back and watch my son flushed his future away because of laziness.
Fast forward a year and a half from graduating sixth form school and he has finally got it.
I donât know what really brought the change in him.
He started by setting himself a one year goal and he achieved almost everything he wrote down.
He passed his driving test at 17 and he started going to property events learning about Real Estates and property development.
He also learn public speaking and communication skills
He bought lots of books on Property Development management, he did some online courses on property management and he reads books on property management almost every day, self educating himself on property.
He once told me that he reads books on property and real estate because thatâs what he is interested in learning.
He did a year apprenticeship in an estate agent company. He worked his ass off in this company.
He now works as a sales representative in one of the biggest Property Companies in London.
He is more focused and disciplined now than ever.
He goes to gym every day, writes blogs and does YouTube videos on how to be a sales representative.
He organized a charity event for his friend and more than 500 people attended the event.
I think sometimes leaving them to fail works sometimes. They seem to get it after a while. Pestering, bribing and punishment doesn’t. At least not for my son.
I would love to hear your thoughts on todayâs post. đ
However itâs an important topic, because as parents our response to our childrenâs behavior will have a long term effect on them.
When it comes to correcting your child’s misbehavior, there’s a big difference between punishment and discipline. While punishment focuses on making a child suffer for breaking the rules, discipline is about teaching him how to make a better choice next time.
Punishment may be physical as in smacking, hitting, or causing pain. It may be psychological as in disapproval, isolation, or shaming.
When a child misbehaves hitting them is not the answer,
Hitting a child shows that you have lost control, it also teaches your child that physical abuse is ok.
So when your child hits another child, do you then hit your child for hitting another child? See what happens?!
If you show an interest in your child and engage with them and listen to them as well as show them love and care, you wonât need to discipline them. A naughty child is a sign that their needs are not being met.
If you want to raise an emotionally strong child we need to try to be intentional about how we parents them.
DO NOT HIT CHILDREN! YOU HAVE LOST CONTROL WHEN YOU DO THIS!
When we know better we must do better đđžđŠľđŠľ
Human beings are social animals, and it’s no surprise that we tend to do better when we have the capacity to connect with others.
Research shows when older people are exposed to online social media, they engaged more in social activity, had a stronger sense of personal identity and showed improved cognitive capacity, compared with a control group.
I have seen that people who are socially isolated or who experience loneliness are more vulnerable to disease and decline.
For these reasons, finding ways to support people’s social connections is a really important goal.
Studies have also shown how technology can be a useful tool for enabling social connections, and that supporting older people in our community to use technology effectively can have important benefits for their health and well-being.
So whoâs with me in this journey of supporting our seniors in becoming tech savvy.
By the way we still have few spaces left for our free computer classes starting next Tuesday.
Every child is different and unique in their own way. So letâs try to be more gentle with the âslow onesâ.
The child that takes time to play with other people, the sensitive ones that loves to observes first in a new environment before she feels comfortable. Theyâre going to be fine, they just want to do things at their own pace đ.
Instead of shouting at them or pushing them to join in, maybe try to give them a chance first. They may surprise you.
And please dear parents, stop comparing them to other kids or their siblings.
Remember we are all different and we are all special in our own way.
Your children are fearfully and wonderfully made by God đĽ°â¤ď¸
Thanks for reading through and happy parenting â¤ď¸â¤ď¸đĽ° WHEN WE KNOW BETTER WE MUST FO BETTER!
THE GOOD DINOSAUR đŚ (A story about courage and Family)
Every child is different and unique. Iâm sure you already know this if you have more than one child. Please letâs not compare them to each other. Love them as they are!
Last week I watched an animated movie about dinosaurs with my son. – The Good Dinosaur đŚ.
The story is about the 2 Adults Dinosaurs and their 3 little babies.
The youngest baby was born with some kind of physical deformity. He was also very small in stature.
You see, because this little dinosaur was born with numbly knees, he finds it really hard to run as fast as his siblings.
However his dad was very supportive of him. He takes him out with him every day to play with him and teaches him life skills. He teaches him lots of skills and how to look after himself.
Initially he struggled with this but eventually he became stronger because he persevered. This is what being resilient looks like.
So why Iâm I sharing this story with you?
Here is whyâŚ
Sometimes as parents, we sometimes judge our children based on their appearance and how they look. (Consciously or unconsciously)
We say things like, âAdam was born that way, so he canât do this or thatâ âŚ
In the film the little dinosaur just needed his dad to believe in him and he was able to believe in himself too.
In the film Arlo (the little dinosaur) shows courage and he later realizes that fear is normal and itâs ok to be afraid sometimes but just donât give in and face your fears anyway no matter what.
And it shouldn’t get in the way of living your life; you can get through anything if you donât give up. Because the only way to see the beauty on the other side is by persevering.
So dear parents, let’s try to encourage our children to believe themselves more and they may surprise you.
All Iâm trying to say is that our children are capable of a lot of things. All they need is someone to believe in them and give them chances.
I hope this helps đĽ°â¤ď¸
Happy parenting guys đĽ°đĽ°â¤ď¸â¤ď¸
When we know better we must do better đĽ°đĽ°â¤ď¸
Every Tuesday I love sharing positive parenting tips with you guys on this platform and on my blog to help you with your parenting journey.
I have been doing this for more than 4 years now.
Most of what I share is from my own experience as a mother and as someone that works with children.
I believe we all need help sometimes especially when we are raising children in a foreign country.
I am a mother to 4 young adults and a grandma to two beautiful girls.â¤ď¸đâ¤ď¸
Our Children are our future so I believe we must be intentional about how we raise them.
Please I would like you to know that I donât have all the answers, but I do know one thing or two about parenting.
So if youâre a parent and you really want me to give you some important advice that might help you in your parenting journey then todayâs post is for you!
My first advice to you would be to Stop your need to CONTROL your children.
They are individuals not robots!
All our children really need from us parents is someone who is able to regulate their own emotions, love them for who theyâre and someone that is able to guide them in the right direction. (Remember youâre the captain)
So here are some more positive parenting advices for you đ
Stop taking everything PERSONAL!! – For example when your child says No to some of your requests, please donât take it personally. Theyâre just trying to let you know they have a say about stuff too! (this was a big one for me)
When they offend you, please forgive them straight away (donât keep malice with them)
Connect before you correct (especially if youâre raising teenagers)
Separate their behavior from them (e.g – let say they misbehave, deal with the behavior and let it go, stop nagging them)
Please stop reacting to everything your children do.
Be a stable parent who is always there for them no matter what happens.
Tell them what your expectations are (they canât read your mind đ)
Let them know they can count on you even when they misbehave.
Make your home a safe haven
Show them that you love them in your actions. Remember – action speaks louder than words
Be present! (Spend quality time with them)
Treat your boy child and your girl child the same way. (Your boy child should be doing house chores too)
Treat your child with respect and kindness.
LISTEN TO THEM! (Allow them to express themselves freely without judgment)
Do not hit your children: kids learn from you, hitting teaches them to handle conflict with aggression.
In addition, I believe that when we instill good values into our children from a young age, it stays with them even when they grow older.
I know sometimes most teenagers test boundaries, however even if they run with a bad crowd theyâll come back and do the right things eventually. I know this for sure.
Most times you may not see how lovely your kids are until they are in the midst of other people and they tell you how respectful and kind they are.
All Iâm saying is that your children are going to be fine.
Also please pray with them regularly.
LEAD BY EXAMPLE
If you want your children to be kind, you also need to be kind to them and others. – Remember theyâre always watching.
In life we get what we put out! (Itâs the Law)
With this in mind, please dear parents, letâs try to pay attention to how we treat others, especially in the presence of our children – because they are always watching.
Positive Parenting With Olu 