Positive Parenting With Olu

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Hi everyone today I will be giving you some tips on how to deal with some of your children’s misbehaviour without yelling.

Positive parenting is based on an attitude of respect toward children, if our children are happy, we are happy too. And if they are miserable, we will be miserable too.

Something must be done when a child hit his friend on the head or talk rudely to his sister. Something must be done for sure. But punishment and threat are not it.

An example of a common behaviour in kids that needs discipline

It’s important to remember that children don’t behave randomly. There is always a reason for good or bad behaviour – Remember I say bad or good behaviour. Behaving badly and being bad is two different thing. Parent please stop calling your child bad because of their bad behaviour. no child is bad, its the behaviour that is bad not the child. (just thought I should clarity that).

So moving on, Let say you and your daughter are in the store shopping for grocery or whatever, and your daughter really want you to buy her some sweets, but you don’t want to and you said no, then she started crying, she cried so loud. To safe yourself some embarrassment and to prevent her from making a scene, you bought it for her, then she stops crying. What have you just done! Let me tell you what you’ve just done. You have just rewarded her for crying. Now she has learned that whenever she want something from you, all she needs to do is cry. I think this is what should have done instead. Allow her to cry but you must stay calm, there is no need to shout at her or hit her. If you are embarrassed by her behaviour you could just leave the store and go home, that’s ok, you can do your shopping some other day. Perhaps you could go outside and talk calmly to your child. Of course you need to deal with this type of behaviour. This is how I dealt with my son when he does that and it works.

When my son was little, he used to cry whenever I say no to his requests, he will cry and cry. I still remember on particular day in Blue water mall, we were shopping for some shoes and he picked a toy up and I said no, Ahhh! that day he cried so much and everybody started staring at us in the shop. I was so embarrassed and I gave in. That was when I started reading parenting books about positive discipline.

So, the next time we go shopping together, I will ask him to tell me one thing he wanted me to get for him in the shop before we leave home. It works like magic, sometimes if he wrote 2 things he wanted on the shopping list and I will remind him that I can only afford one this time, and I will promised to get him the other stuffs next time, if it’s a reasonable request, if not he will have to safe for it in the future.

The point I’m trying to make is that, we need to communicate with our children. Children listen when we talk to them calmly.

I hope you got value.

What do you think? Please share your thought in the comment below. Thanks.

WHAT AGE IS BEST?

Don’t wait for your child to come to you with questions about his or her changing body – that day may never come, especially if your child doesn’t know its OK talk to you about this sensitive topic. Of course there is no exact correct answer. It is a good idea to have “the talk” before all the changes actually start. By the time kids are 8 years old, they should know what physical and emotional changes are associated with puberty. They may seem young but consider this: some girls are wearing training bras by then and some boys’ voices begin to change just a few years later. Most girls get their first period when they’re 12 or 13 years old, which is about 2 years after they begin puberty, but some get their periods as early as age 9, while others get it as late as age 16. On average boys begin going through puberty a little later than girls, usually around age 10 or 11. But they may begin to develop sexually or have their first ejaculation without looking older. Just as it helps adults to know what to expect with changes such as moving home or working for a new company, kids should know about puberty ahead of time.

Mom, Dad or Both?

This might depend upon the child’s gender, the comfort level of each parent and the overall family dynamic. Girls don’t want to talk about periods with their dad. Boys don’t want mom to explain about pubic hair or masturbation but it’s a conversation you should not leave entirely to school. Some families have found kids are more comfortable talking to a trusted young adults, like a babysitter or nanny. What’s most important is starting the conversation and letting your kid know you’re there to answer questions (even if you don’t want to).

WHAT TO SAY?

So you’ve decided he or she is old enough and who is going to do the deed, but what are you going to say?. Kids usually have lots of questions as they learn about puberty. it’s important to make sure you give your child the time and opportunity to ask questions and answer them as honestly and thoroughly as possible. If it’s a bit uncomfortable, humor helps. Don’t sugar coat it, but don’t give more information than you think your kid can handle. This topic can be easier if you’re confident that you know the subject matter. So before you answer your child’s questions, make sure your own questions have been answered. If you’re not entirely comfortable having a conversation about puberty, practice what you say first. Let your child know that it may be a little uncomfortable to discuss, but it’s an important talk to have.

BOY TALK VS GIRL TALK

Your son should know what goes on for girls; generally speaking, without all the gory details. Your daughter should know boys experience changes in puberty too, but probably don’t need visual aids. No matter the gender, they need to know what is happening to their body. They need to know that body changes are normal. You need to let them know you are available if they need to talk more about the changes.

If there are questions or concerns about puberty and development that you can’t answer, ask your child’s doctor for advice.

Thanks for your time, until next time. stay bless.

PARENTS AND TEACHERS GETTING ON THE SAME TEAM.

In this day and age, everybody is stressed and nobody has got the time. Parents are working harder than ever, and teachers have larger classrooms and more responsibilities. Believe me, if everybody had time and more resources, there would be a lot less friction between parents and schools. But that’s not the case, so we just have to live with that and figure out how to manage it the best way we can. After all, we have the common goal of wanting our children to behave responsibly and get an education. Schools have a legitimate interest in kids getting an education and learning how to become independent.

Parent and teachers should be on the same team, but sadly, often they’re not. There was a time when teachers and parents worked together – where if a teacher called a parent, the parent really worked on changing their child’s behavior. Kids were held accountably at home. It’s not often that way anymore. Now parents are often blaming the teachers and the kids play both ends against the middle. Kids can be highly manipulative in this area. I think parents, and teachers should work hard at being on the same team. I think the parent’s role is “How can we help and work together to get this child on track”.

I’ve heard a lot of stories about bad teachers. I believe most teachers are trying their best. The truth is, you have to really try to work with the teacher your child gets. If there is an issue, I recommend you go to that teacher and talk about it. And if that doesn’t work, then go to the administrator and try to set up some meetings. Just realize that the more arduous the relationship between the parents and the school are, the more your child is going to suffer – and the more they are going to get away with. Don’t forget, when parents and teachers fight, nobody wins. And at the end result, is that your child doesn’t feel he has to change his behavior at all. If your child has been labelled a trouble maker and he/she has chronic behavior or attitude problems, its crucial that you are able to communicate with his teacher and the school. I think if you can develop a working relationship around a child who has these problems, it becomes a lot easier to support that teacher in his or her efforts.

Communication and compromise are a huge part of parenting and working with your child’s school.

Please let me know what you think, and thanks for your time, until next time. Bye for now.

CONSEQUENCES; Should I Give Them To My Child When He Gets In Trouble At School

To be honest, every parent whose child acts out in class get sick of hearing from the school, even if they know their child is legitimately a problem. Parents don’t want to go to work and hear about their kids during the school day: They want the school to handle it. And the school thinks parents should be more involved in dealing with appropriate behavior. So when should parents get involved? I think the answer to that is straight forward. In my opinion, it depends on whether the problem is “functional” or “relational” A functional problem includes being late for class, running around the school. I personally do not think parents should give more consequences at home for those types of things.

But the whole game changes when it comes to relational problems. These are problems that have to do with inappropriate behavior towards people or property. If your child steals, if he is physically abusive, if he is threatening, if he gets into fight, parents need to hold him accountable and give consequences at home in addition to the consequences the school assign.

Again, one of the thing parents have to avoid is insulating their child from the natural consequences of their behavior. If your child destroys property or assaults someone at school and you do everything you can to protect him so he doesn’t have to face legal consequences, I think you’re making a mistake. I think you can support your child through those consequences. I would. But the more you insulate him from the natural consequences of his actions, the less likely those actions are going to change. Because let’s face it, people don’t change until there’s pressure to change.

And unfortunately, that pressure often comes from negative consequences, whether thats’s for a speeding ticket or for being physically aggressive in school. We understand that fact as adults in society: people get tickets all the time for running lights and for speeding. You may not like getting a ticket, you may not think its fair. But the bottom line is that it makes you look at your behavior and change it. When a child gets in serious trouble at school, many parents become worried that it will go on their permanent record. Is that a legitimate worry for a parent? Yes, but you don’t soothe those worries by sweeping the problem under the rug.

Let me be clear; if your child assaults someone at school and doesn’t get a record now – that’s all there is to it.

Thanks for your time, this post is a continuation of the above topic, please check out my previous post on the same topic, if you want to read more.

See you soon……