Positive Parenting With Olu

Emotional regulation is basically thinking before you act or speak, not going on impulse. 

Having an emotion and recognizing you have it and being able to manage it and express it in healthy ways that are not destructive. 

Children struggle with emotional  regulation, because they think that everything they feel has to be expressed. 

We see kids/teens that lack emotional regulation fighting in school and public places, or bullying others on social media (cyber bully) and saying mean stuff to their friends. 

Emotional regulation is helped when children learn at a younger age. 

As adults we can’t blame young people when they react to things without thinking about it. These kids/teens haven’t been taught how to think before they act. So they lack emotional literacy.

These skills must be taught before they become teenagers. 

So how do we teach our children how to regulate their emotions? 

✅ We must start when they’re little as early as one year old.

✅ Explain to your kids that feeling and acting are two different things. 

✅ Teach them how to find words to express their emotions- For example, you can say things like “It’s ok to feel angry but it’s not ok to hit your sister or shout at someone”  

✅  Teach them ways to express their feelings in an healthy way.

✅ Explain to them that everything they think does not need to be express.

✅ Teach them to think before they speak. Because we can’t take back what we’ve said. 

✅ Be a good role model: Children learn from us. 

In addition, If you struggle with regulating your own emotions, just make sure you don’t beat yourself up. Recognise this and do something about it. So that your kids don’t have to struggle with similar kinds of issues.

P.S

Next week I will be sharing more on how to teach and help your younger children to regulate their emotions.

Thanks for reading through 🙏🏾😊🥰❤️

Please leave a comment below because I would like to hear your thoughts on today’s post. 

Stay tuned …

HOW TO TALK TO YOUR DAUGHTERS ABOUT BOYS.

Today’s post is not for everyone and also my intention of writing this is not to scare you.  

But I think it’s important we address these issues, because teenage pregnancy is now on the rise.

Just last week alone I saw 2 young girls with pregnancies and they were either with their mum or with a boy passing by the learning center. 

Our young girls are vulnerable and we as parents need to pay more attention to them when they turn 12.

Talk to them about boys and how to take care of themselves.

So today I would like to share some tips on how to talk to your girls about boys.

Talking to your daughter about boys and dating is a conversation that should begin long before she is of dating age and is ongoing. In other words, this isn’t a one-and-done conversation you have when she starts secondary school.

New book Alerts ‼️ 

I’m a big believer in keeping journals and writing thoughts down. No matter if you are going through anxiety, depression, or just feeling overwhelmed, taking the time to put your thoughts and feelings into words can help you process them, gain clarity, and reduce stress.! 

 There are various prompts throughout this journal, to help your child reflect on their day and explore their feelings.

This book is one of the books I wish I had when I was younger maybe it would have helped me with knowing how to control my emotions better sometimes 😃

REMEMBER THAT – The paint brush (literally) is in your hands and you can choose any color you wish to paint your life (that means you’re responsible for how you show up in the world.)

So what color are you going to choose today? As for me I’m going to choose YELLOW – I will always try my best to shine light like sunshine ☀️ everyday

Dear parents, if you have a pre-teens daughter this journal will make a great gift for them. Trust me you will be glad you did later on!

It’s available on Amazon today!

Go on Amazon and type in – I PAINT MY LIFE WITH THE COLORS I WANT – By Olufunke Akinniyi

Raising children is one of the toughest and most rewarding jobs in the world.

Today I am going to share with you some parenting  tips that can help you feel more fulfilled as a parent.

1. BOOST YOUR CHILD’S SELF ESTEEM

Boost children start developing the sense of self as babies when they see themselves to their parents’ eyes. Different please let us choose our words carefully and be more compassionate.

Let your children know that everyone makes mistakes and that you still love them, even when you don’t love their behavior. 

2. Be a good role model.

Young children learn a lot about how to act by watching their parents. Children are like sponges, they soak everything up.  Studies have shown that children who hit usually have a role model for aggression home. 

3. CATCH KIDS BEING GOOD.

4. SHOW THAT YOUR LOVE FOR THEM IS UNCONDITIONAL

As a parent, you’re responsible for correcting and guiding your children. But how you express corrections towards them will determine their response. 

When you confront your child, avoid blaming, criticizing or finding fault, because this may hurt their self-esteem and can lead to them not liking themselves.

I’m afraid I have to stop writing now, but I will be sharing more tomorrow thanks for reading through.

WHEN WE KNOW BETTER WE MUST DO BETTER 

Happy parenting

#tuesdaypositiveparentingtipswitholu ❤️

Few days ago, a parent told me about her teens having suicidal thoughts and she doesn’t know how to help her. So today my message is for any teens that may be having unhappy thoughts to always remember that thoughts are not fact!

The other day, I had a conversation with a mom and she told me that her daughter is always rude to her.

Here is how our conversation went.  👇

Parent: My 13 year old daughter never listens to me. She is always rolling her eyes and pounding on the table when I’m talking to her. 

Me: Have you spoken to her about her behaviour?

Parent: I have told her that behavior is not acceptable but she never listens.

Me: Is this how she talks to her dad? 

Parent: No

Me: So, did you ask her why she is like that with you? 

Parent: Not really. 

Me: Could it be that maybe you’re rude to her too? 

Parent: What do you mean? I’m the mother and I’m allowed to be rude to her! 

Me: Yes you’re the mum, but that doesn’t give you the right to be rude to her.

Remember we get back what we put out. I think she’s just reflecting back to you what you’re doing to her.

Maybe start paying attention to how you talk to her. Maybe you think you’re talking to her, but you’re actually talking at her. 

Why not start being mindful of what you say to her. Remember she’s a teenager now. You don’t need to react to everything she does or say. 

Cut her some slack. 

Maybe ask her to always remind you whenever you talk harshly to her and ask her how she would like to be talked to.

Find time to spend  quality time with her. 

She may just want to reconnect with you.

Dear parents, kids are the most simple and sweetest  human beings to be with, if you know how to handle them. 

They just want to be treated like an individual!

In addition please remember children will treat others  the way we treat them, because they don’t know better! 

Dear parents, please Let’s try to reconnect with our kids, especially the ones that are acting out! 

You will be amazed at how they change when you change your approach and behavior towards them.

Happy parenting and thanks for reading through. You can leave a comment below if you want

Have an amazing day guys 😊❤️

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Happy Tuesday my beautiful parents. Last week I shared part 1 of the topic – How to raise your sons to be an honurable men. Today I’m going to share the concluding part.

As a mom of four, (one woman and three men), the one thing I’ve learned about parenting is that boys are very different. Boys (at least most boys I know) are tougher to teach, tougher to communicate with, and they’re tougher to get through to than girls. And, the challenges boys face in life are oftentimes far different than the challenges girls face.

So if you’re raising a boy then today’s post is for you.

PLEASE REMEMBER YOU ARE RAISING SOMEONE’S FUTURE HUSBAND.

Please let’s try our best to instil todays values in them. The best way to teach kids is by example! (DON’T ASSUME THEY KNOW, TEACH THEM!)

MAY GOD HELP US ALL

So here are some values you can instil in your children

MANNERS

Teaching your son manners might be one of the most important things you as a parent can do for him. Manners are, after all, about respect—respect for oneself and respect for others. Manners teach a boy that there are other people in the world that he needs to be aware of besides himself, and those other people are just as important as he is. (And he can learn to treat them as though they are more important than he is).

✅ POSITIVE MALE ROLE MODEL

Another thing you can do is to introduce a positive Role Model to your son at an early age.

Please make sure you choose someone who exemplifies qualities such as kindness, respect and integrity.

These people can either be their dad or grandad, or uncles, or a coach.

✅ HONESTY: We all know the adage ‘Honesty is the best policy’. An honest individual is not only considered righteous but also trustworthy. So, appreciate your son whenever he displays honesty. Explain to your child that although a lie may save him from getting into trouble at the moment it is always the truth that prevails.

✅ RESPECTING OTHERS:

Show respect for others: Showing respect for others is a virtue every individual must possess. From a young age, help your child learn how to be respectful of others. If he ever asks you why that is so important, remind him of the golden rule ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you’. Your son must see you model respectful behavior towards everyone, irrespective of their gender, age, social status, race, or sexual orientation.

✅ MAKING GOOD CHOICES:

Let your son know that he must always make a good choice because for every action there are consequences and it is very important to think about those possible consequences before making decisions.

Tell him that he has the potential to influence lives for hundreds of years by the way he lives.

Let him know that he  has great power to make a positive difference.

My final thoughts: 

Dear parents, the best way to teach your sons (and daughters) all these values  is to model it in your home and then hold your sons and daughters to a high standard in his/her behavior and treatment of others. 

Happy parenting, please leave a comment below 👇 

WHEN WE KNOW BETTER WE MUST DO BETTER! 

Olu 🥰❤️

Raising Your Sons to be Honourable Men

Raising boys to become honourable men is not an easy job. My youngest son will be 21 in a few months. And he has been going on dates. So I want him to be an honorable man. Someone who has integrity, someone who keeps his word. someone who treats women with respect, someone who is reliable, kind, honest and respectful and a good citizen of the world. And above all someone that loves God! 

So how do we raise our young boys to become honourable men in the future, I’m glad you ask because that’s what our post for today is all about. 

As a mom of four, (one woman and three men), the one thing I’ve learned about parenting is that boys are very different. Boys (at least most boys I know) are tougher to teach, tougher to communicate with, and they’re tougher to get through to than girls. And, the challenges boys face in life are oftentimes far different than the challenges girls face.

I also realise that society expects boys (to act strong, tough and unbreakable even when they’re not),

My son thinks he knows everything but as his mom I still  need to keep empowering him with a few valuable skills and some good old  wisdom that hold the power to make him far more content and ready to manage  life in workplace and beyond.

Dear parents, the values that your little boy learns in his childhood will shape his personality and determine the man he grows up to be.

As a parent, it is your responsibility to instill in your son these  values that would help in raising your son to be a good man.

Here are a few things I’m still teaching my son (lessons I feel every boy should learn) before he leaves my care

1. EXPRESS EMOTIONS:

We need to teach our boys that it’s okay to express their feelings and that doing so is a strength not a weakness.

Let him show his sensitive side. Let him shed a tear if life gets the best of him. 

Crying is only for girls”, “Take it like a man”, “Big boys don’t cry”, are some of the phrases boys often hear while growing up. As a result, most men never feel comfortable expressing their emotions. Withholding emotions can lead to serious problems later, such as the inability to build and sustain meaningful personal and work relationships. Therefore, develop emotional literacy in your boy and teach him that a man’s real strength comes from accepting and expressing his emotions, not from repressing them.

2. How to Live with Honor

The beauty of living with honor isn’t necessarily in how others will view your son, but how he will view himself as he journeys into adulthood. Set him on a positive, honorable path by developing a core set of family beliefs he can live his life by.

Dear parents, let’s be a positive role model for them and strive to instill values of integrity, morality, loyalty, reliability and responsibility.

Being honorable yourself, surrounding your son with honorable men and women.  

3. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR ACTIONS:: A good man is quick to admit when he is wrong and face the consequences of his actions. So, teach your son to think before he acts. And if things go wrong, to accept the responsibility and try to set the situation right. Also, make him understand that blaming others for his mishaps isn’t the right thing to do.

MY FINAL THOUGHTS  

Raising honorable men should be our goal as parents. Please dear parents remember children are not born with these values they need to be taught to them. 

Let’s stop assuming that our children should know what to do, especially teens. I have come to realize that none of us are born with any of these skills and it’s not necessarily a skill you’ll pick up along the way in life. All these skills needs to be taught.

That’s it for now, I will be sharing the concluding part next time.

Please feel free to add your thoughts in the comments below 👇

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