CONNECT BEFORE YOU CORRECT YOUR CHILD

Happy Tuesday parents, I trust you are all well. 😊❤️

As parents, we want our children to listen to us, show us respect, and follow our rules. 

However, for children to feel willing to listen to us, they need to feel a strong connection with us first. 

When your child is behaving in challenging ways, it’s important to remain calm and respond calmly. 

Children feel safe when they have a connection/bond with the adults that are taking care of them. They can play and explore the world without the fear of being left or scolded because of something they have done. They know they are loved. 

So before I share some tips on how to connect before you correct your child, I would like to give an example that may help you understand. 

As an adult, I want you to think back to when you knew you did something wrong and someone told you off, how did you feel? 

Ok, let’s look at this scenario: 👇 

 Let’s say you are at work and one of your jobs is to send and reply to emails or whatever your job entails. 

One day you made a mistake and you kind of know and you were trying to rectify your mistakes, but you can’t at that time. It might be because it’s a new job and you don’t know a lot yet. 

And every day your boss comes in to remind you that you fail again at your job, and probably say things like this to you. 

– “Why do you always make this kind of mistake every day if you’re not going to sit tight and learn this well, I may have to sack you”

Does that negative feedback help? 

The answer is No!

it doesn’t help at all! 

All you feel at that moment is anger, and you may also feel like punching your boss. Right? 

At that time, you’ll be like, “I already know that I made a mistake and I don’t need you to come and tell me this every day!  And if you keep pointing out my failure, I’m going to resist you more, right? 

But, if you have a thoughtful boss,  that believes in you, he may offer you some solutions on how to do your job well next time.

So, as an adult, you wouldn’t like anyone to always point out your mistakes. 

Then why are we doing that with our kids? 

Children will listen more when you connect with them first before you correct them. 

Your kids already know that they fail at something,  they don’t need you to tell them, over and over again,  especially teenagers.

I remember when my son was in secondary school and he would come home with bad grades and I would say things like “OMG I knew you were going to fail that test because you didn’t study” (☹️)

But later, I learnt to connect with him first before correcting him and it works. 

So when he brings home bad grades, I will say to him “That must be so disappointing to have done so poorly on the test and I will then suggest a plan that we can work on together so that he can do better next time. 

I must say it was when I started connecting with him before correcting him, that he started listening more. 

So, as parents, I think we should be the ones inspiring our children because remember people who make a difference in our lives, inspire and believe in us. I think we should be like that with our kids. 

HOW DO YOU DO THIS:

Any time your child makes a mistake or does something wrong, you’re going to start by connecting before you correct. 

You’re going to start by talking about What is going right with them at that moment before you start talking about how what they can do better next time. 

HERE ARE 3 STEPS TO TAKE WHEN YOUR CHILD MADE MISTAKES. 

Only talk to them when both of you are calm! 

1. Share with them what went right. 
2. Tell them you believe in them, talk to them about how confident you are of them that you know they will do better next time and that they have the potential to be successful in whatever they put their heart to. 
3.  3. Next is to create a plan with them so that they can do better next time. 

Parents, if you follow through with these steps every time your child makes a mistake, they will begin to see you as someone who inspires them to do better instead of someone who will punish them and tell them what they already know. 

I hope this helps 

WHEN WE KNOW BETTER WE MUST DO BETTER 

Olu

@Tuesdaypositiveparentingwitholu