Our childhood has so much influence on the adults we become. But before we start blaming our parents, they were doing exactly what they thought they knew best.
I don’t want to nag too much but when my son won’t stop playing loud music or clean the dishes or just do what I’m asking, I don’t know what else to do, so I yell at him.
So, yes. Even though I know what I should be doing.
I used to have have this problem with being impatient and I love things to be done my way. However when my son became a teenager I realised I had to be patient with him and learn how to deal with him differently.
Maybe you feel the same way. And you may scold yourself for each parenting mistake.
Don’t. There are no perfect parents.
At the same time, nagging puts such an emotional drain on us and our children.
Thankfully, we now know there is a better way to discipline our own kids.
A way that:
*Actually corrects the behavior
*Deepens the relationship between parent and child
*Increases the child’s feelings of self-worth
WHAT IS POSITIVE DISCIPLINE ❤️
Positive Discipline is a method where parents clearly communicate what behaviors are appropriate, which ones are inappropriate, and what the rewards for good behavior and the consequences for bad behavior are.
So, how does this play at our home?
Here is a simple, 5 steps process you can use for any behavior.
♦️STEP 1:.SHARE YOUR FEELINGS WITHOUT COMING DOWN ON YOUR CHILD
My son hates cleaning dishes. Each time I ask him to do it, he tells me he’s too tired right now to clean the dishes.
This used to drive me mad!
♦️Step 2: TELL YOUR EXPECTATIONS
Now, I needed to follow it up so that he could take the steps necessary.
I went to where he was and say something like.
“I expect the dishes to be watched before the end of the day and put away without complaining.”
♦️Step 3: GIVE THEM A CHOICE
Here’s where it gets a little difficult. With chores, your end goal is for your child to complete their assigned task.
What choice can you give them?
For me, it came down to now or later. But not too much later..
My next move would have been,
“You can either wash the dishes now or give me time and then wash them when you promised”.
Either way, the plates get washed and put away. But now he has the choice of when to do it.
If he still continued complaining after the time he promised?
♦️Step 4: MAKE THE CHOICE FOR THEM
That is your cue to take action and make the choice for them.
At this point, I would go to him and tell him calmly it’s time to wash the dishes.
If this process works and he comes back calm, then great!
But if it doesn’t, you are not alone. Every child is different.
What works for one doesn’t work for another. When one child has to be told once, another may need this process repeated 5 times until he calms down.
♦️Step 5: TAKE ACTION
Your next step is to do something so that the behavior doesn’t occur again.
It simply can’t occur because you’ve taken the steps to correct it.
Next time my son complains about cleaning the dishes, I simply leave the kitchen.
It’s a natural consequence to my son because I’ve told him I don’t like complaining. I leave the room so I can’t hear it.
If these five steps don’t work to correct the behavior, that doesn’t mean it’s time for punishment.
It simply indicates that the problem is more complicated than you originally thought and you need to move into problem solving.
PS: I will be sharing some problem solving ideas with you in my subsequent post.
So stay tuned!
Thanks and have a wonderful day today
Please let me know what you think in the comment below 👇
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Positive Parenting With Olu 