MY CHILD IS A BULLY! Help me!

A few weeks ago a parent told me that she thinks her daughter is a bully.

And she went on to tell me what happened and I gave her some advice.

I will be sharing some of the advice I gave her with you today, just in case you have a child that bullies or is being bullied by someone at school.

So today I will be talking about how to help your child that is bullying someone and how to support the child that has been bullied. 

First thing  I told her was, it’s not her fault! So it’s not your fault either! 

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Who is a bully? 

Google definition 👇

A bully seeks to harm, intimidate, or coerce (someone perceived as vulnerable).

Simply put; A bully is someone who says mean things or hits other people because they are angry

👉Let me start by saying it’s not your fault, if you have a kid that is bullying other kids. 

👉First thing to do is, you need to talk to your kids about what happened and listen to their side of the story 

👉Second thing to do is to think about the motivation behind this, because motives matter a lot. 

Studies show that there are 3 reasons why bullies bully.

So here are the 3 reasons why your child may be bullying someone else 

1. They may be trying to be funny, that might be the reason why your kid is bullying somebody. They may innocently think it’s funny to do so. You may need to let them know that it’s not appropriate to laugh at someone or make fun of people.
2. Another reason why kids bully other people may be, because they feel insecure 😞 . They may feel insecure about themselves and they’re trying to make themselves feel better about themselves by putting someone else down. (Hurting people, hurt people)  As a parent it’s your job to get to the root of the matter of why your kids are behaving this way. And help them overcome that trap of internal insecurity. You may need to speak to a specialist or a therapist to help them get over this. You need to do whatever it takes, so that this behaviour does not continue with them when they get older. Find out what they are feeling insecure about, so that they will stop taking it out on other kids. 
3. The third reason why your kids might be bullying someone else, is that they are retaliating. They might be bullying someone else because they feel like a victim and they’re retaliating in anger towards the person who hurt them. If this is the case, you need to address this victimisation and help them get over the effect.  You need to teach them how to forgive someone that hurt them and teach them how to manage their anger. 

Dear parents, you need to take this behaviour seriously. Let your child know that it’s not ok to bully other children 👶 

‼️Here are some negative behaviours that as parents we need to put a stop to early on and what you can SAY to your kids when they show these types of behaviour at home👇

👉Eye rolling; don’t accept the eye rolling. Say to them “that when you roll yours at me, what you’re saying to me is that I’m stupid” 

👉Silent treatment ; “when you stop speaking to me, what you’re saying to me indirectly is that you don’t like me anymore” 

👉When you sigh or kiss your teeth at me, “what you’re saying indirectly is that you’re sick of this and I just want to get out of here” ! 

“You may think you’re not communicating with me, but you are and I am not ok with it”. 

‼️As parents you need to curb this type of behaviour before it gets too much and more than you can take ❤️

‼️The reason why you need to curb that behaviour now, is because when girls resort to non verbal behaviour ways of expressing their problems, that’s the behaviour that continues with them when they get older. 

‼️Ultimately I think we all want our girls to grow up to become young women who are able to express themselves directly and not become young women who will sit in an office meeting and when they hear news they are not happy with roll their eyes and make noise. 

👉My final thoughts 

I need us to know that for these behaviours to stop, we need to lead by examples. Think about your own behaviour 🤔. 

Do you give your child silent treatment when they misbehave? 🤔

WHEN WE KNOW BETTER WE MUST DO BETTER‼️

#stopbully

#notobully

#positiveparentingwitholu

#beintentional