Few weeks ago, my teenage son came home from school angry and frustrated about something. I asked what the problem was, but he shrugged his shoulder and mumbled, and went into his room and slammed the door on my face. I opened his door and asked him again, still no response, he was in one of his “mood” I said to myself, because I couldn’t get through to him, I left him alone.
I was not happy about his behaviour, but I stayed calm. if this had happened a year ago, I would have run into his room with anger and yelled at him and maybe taken away his phone and his games, and of course he wouldn’t have liked that, and things might have gone “south”.
However, I have come to realise that whenever my son is in one of his moods, all I need to do as an adult is to stay calm and remember that it’s not about me and that this will pass.
About an hour after the incident, he came into my room to apologise and we talked about what happened.
As a parent, you can feel hurt, worried, and unsure about what’s happened when you have an argument like this. Your teenagers used to value your input, but now it seems that most conversations turn into arguments.
Disrespectful or rude behaviour in teenagers is something many parents face at some point. I know I did! 😀
Here are some strategies that might help you manage this kind of behaviour when faced with them.
Not all teenagers will be rude or disrespectful but acting like this is a normal part of teenage growth and development. Your teens are learning to express and test out their own independent ideas, so there will be times when you will disagree. 😊
Also, teenagers can be quite moody because of how teenage brains develop and change. I’m still learning about the teenage brain myself, because it’s so complicated.
I learned that the rational part of a teen’s brain isn’t fully developed and won’t be until age 25 or so
That’s why they are the way they are.
For example, my 17 year old sometimes behaves like a grown man and the next minute, he behaves like a 5 year old 😀. As a parent we need to be more patient with them.
Dear parent you need to know that
Your teenagers are starting to think in a deeper way than they did a few years earlier, and they can have thoughts and feelings they’ve never had before.
Make sure you talk about the rules and the kind of behaviour is expected from them .
For example, you could say, we talk politely to each other in this house. This means we don’t call other people names”
Always Stay calm. This is important if your teenagers react with “an attitude” to a discussion. Stop, and stay calm and calmly continue with what you wanted to say.
Make sure you only focus on the behaviour, not your child. When you need to talk about some disrespectful behaviour, focus on the behaviour and how you feel about it. Avoid any comments about your teenagers personality or character.
Be a good role model. When you’re with your kid, try to speak and act the way you want him to speak and act towards you. Model the trait you wish to see in your kids
Praise your teenager for positive communication. When you have a positive interaction, point this out to your kid. This lets his know you’re aware of and value his opinions.
Set and use consequences but try not to set too many.
But make sure you follow through.
.
Sometimes kids are disrespectful without meaning to be rude. So make sure you find out if they were rude on purpose, by asking them. Don’t always assume.
Here are some few thing you shouldn’t do
Don’t argue, this rarely works for parents or teenagers. When we get angry, we can say things we don’t mean. So make sure you’re calm whenever you want to talk to them.
Yelling: When you yell or scream back at your child, it simply challenges him and it escalates the argument. Not only that, but it keeps the fight going longer. The more you try, the more your child fights back, so the louder you yell, and then he starts getting more angry. So please don’t do that.
Being defensive: this is very rarely useful. Most of the time, whenever your teenagers are in their mood, please try not to take it personal because it’s not about you.
Telling them what to do: even though you have more life experience than your child, telling him about how to behave is likely to turn him off listening. If you want your child to listen to you, you might need to spend time listening to him first.
Complaining: this isn’t likely to have much effect. It might increase your frustration, and your child will probably just zone out.
Don’t ask too many questions!
Teenagers feel a great need for privacy, and what previously might have been everyday questions, could now feel like an interrogation to them. When you ask them too many questions they will think you’re trying to control them.
.
My final thought
If you often feel let down by your teenager’s behaviour, perhaps you have unrealistic expectations. Teens tend to look less to their parents and more to their peers for role models. But we should continue to provide guidance, encouragement and appropriate discipline while allowing your teens to have more independence.
Last but most important, seize every available moment to make connections!
We also need to remember that we don’t own our kids.
Happy parenting
Positiveparentingwitholu
Positive Parenting With Olu 