When you hear the word conflicts, what do you think of? Arguments, quarrels, disagreements?
And how do conflict make you feel? Angry, upset, hurt and frustrated?.
Today I’m going to be talking about how to teach conflict resolutions to your kids and if you are like me as a parent, you may be able to learn a thing or two as well, as conflict are a part of our everyday life.
Let’s start by defining Conflict.
What is conflict? Conflict exist when one person has a need for another and that need is not being met.
I used to dread conflicts, I did everything to avoid it. I will avoid the person or get angry and defensive. I sometimes get sick to my stomach when I feel repetitive conflicts coming up. I was so sick of my own inability to deal with it.
However, one day I noticed how my son reacted to a situation between himself and one of his friends, I thought to myself this skill, conflict resolution is an important skill to teach him.
As parents we all know that children learn by examples, therefore I had to start lookinmg inwardly and started paying attention to the triggers. I had to work on ways to resolve conflicts without being aggressive or upset. It is still a work in progress though.
Today I’m going to share some tips and steps on how to teach your kids non-aggressive solution while resolving conflicts with their friends.
Let’s look at the following scenario:
One day Taye and his friend Ola were playing around and waiting for their friend Billy to arrive. While playing playing, Taye said to Ola, “I think I am so good at catching the ball that I think I can be the next goal keeper for our football team next summer”. Ola responds , “well…, that’s not what Billy said the other day ” “What did he say?” asks Taye. “He said you were not so good at catching the ball at our last game and that you made us lose to the other team” Ola answers. “He said that?” Taye asks angrily. Just as they were talking the door bell rings. Taye quickly runs to the door to open it . Billy was so excited to see Taye and says “Hey Taye, can I come in? Taye says no … “you cant’s come in”. Billy asks “why not?” Taye responds “because I heard what you said behind my back, and I only allow my friends to come inside my house and he slams the door on Billy’s face. Billy leaves the house angry.
So in this scenario we see that Taye and Billy are involved in a conflict and they are very angry with each other and that’s too bad.
People can stop conflict from happening when they listen, talk it out and get the facts straight.
Taye and Billy didn’t listen to each other, they didn’t talk it out and get the facts. Instead they accuse each other and call each other names. This could’ve avoided if they use the conflict resolution skill which are; LISTEN /TALK IT OUT/ AND GET THE FACTS
If Taye and Billy had just listened to each other and talked it out, they would have been able to get all the facts and resolved the problem. When we listen to each other and talk things out, we can get the facts and that will help everyone to understand what the problem is. It’s very important to listen carefully to what the other person is saying, however, this isn’t an easy to do while angry.
So here are some Steps you could teach your child on how to resolve conflicts.
1.Look at the person who is talking to you .
2. Concentrate at what they are saying, if you do not understand something, ask them to explain
3. And when you talk don’t be rude! Because yelling, calling names and blaming only makes things worse.
When we listen and talk things out and get the facts everyone understands the problem. Most of the time when we understand the problem you can fix it without fighting.
So guys, here is a question for you.
What would you do if you heard that a friend of yours is saying bad things about you, What do you say to that friend when you see them?
Please leave your comment below, I would like to read your answers. Remember we are all learning here.
Thank you
Olu
Positive Parenting With Olu 