Consistency is one of the more important keys to addressing your children’s behavioural problems. The tips I’m going to share with you are personal. Also bear in mind that your family is different from mine. And mine is different from yours. For example, depriving my son deserts at dinner won’t work on my son, as he does not care much for sweets.
As a result, my list of age -appropriate consequences for my son, might look very different from your list and that of your friends. You should focus specifically on coming up with creative consequences to fit your child.
HERE ARE SOME TIPS WHICH MAY HELP YOU WITH THE PROCESS
MAKE A LIST – Include in it, your child’s name , age, Love language and his favourite things.
Make a second list – Include in it; All the blessings your family enjoys. Treats, Family outings, Toys , Game, Screen time, Game time, School Clubs (football, dance, music classes) Family nights, etc. Then match them up.
EXAMPLE 1:
I have a 2 year old granddaughter named Athena; she loves ice-cream and imaginative play with her mom. Athena has started finding its funny to throw the dolly while playing with them. Mom tells her to put away the dolly. Mom puts the dolly away and walk away, telling Athena, “You will not be playing with the dolly because you are choosing to throw them about. “You may try again tomorrow to play with the dolly if you do not throw anything the rest of the day. The following day, if Athena plays with dolly without throwing them, she gets 10 extra minutes of dolly time as well as a reward ice-cream for a job well done!
The end result in Athena’s brain is :
X behaviour made life no fun.
*No dolly,
* No playtime,
*No ice-cream. I don’t want to continue to do X behaviour. Because Z behaviour made mommy happy, gave extra dolly play time. AND ice-cream! I want to do more of Z behaviour!
EXAMPLE 2:
I have a 16 year old son named Michael. Michael loves video games and playing football. Lately he has not been tidying up his room. He is lazy and unmotivated. So, the other day I let him know, he will not be having access to his games, screens or allowed to play football until the room is cleaned to my specifications. Whether that takes one day or two weeks is up to Michael. However, until he does what he is told, he won’t be doing much more than eating, doing school work and sleeping.
When you train and teach your child that every good thing available to him is a blessing and a privileged that has to be earned, he can take responsibility for earning privileges.
Toys, screen time and treats don’t show love to your child. Those are THINGS. Things are privileges. Special events and family times are privileges as well. Your family must stand for something.
Dear Parent, Your hugs, your kind words, and your time. Those actions show love. And your child should never have to go without them.
My final thoughts
Make some list, write down the ins and outs of who your child is, what your family stands for. How you expect it to be represented, then set standards and expectations accordingly.
Please feel free to leave some comments below if you have some more tips that you use in your family. Also don’t forget to share with other parents.
Thank you
Olu
Positive Parenting With Olu 